From Fox To Feline
by Four-Leaved Clover's Wish
Summary: Oh? I WAS a fox. Now I am a cat. What's more, I, for some reason, have a great destiny that is supposed to save the lives of some cats of which I would normally eat for breakfast as a fox, no questions asked. WHAT A MESS.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is my first shot at chapters. Flames may be kindled to roast my marshmallows (or to roast Darkstripe…) but I prefer something more sugary to eat. Tee hee. And so, we begin!**

I had often wondered, if I died, what would happen to my spirit? Would my soul simply disintegrate into nothingness? And vanish without a trace? Then…gone for all eternity?

Somehow, I did not like this theory. But as foxes do, I kept to myself, and did not share my foreboding thoughts with any other animal. I pondered day and night, and was afraid to sleep in the evening.

And naturally, I developed a fear of dying. I fretted over the idea, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt my heart thud with anguish.

_Really? Really? _ Thus was all I could think to myself.

I wanted to live forever. I wanted to _always_ smell the fresh, leafy forest around me, and _always_ see the sweet -some days, not so sweet- sky above my head. And always be _alive_.

What would I ever be if I died?

For a female fox, I had plenty of worries at hand. Too many worries, if you asked me.

But then again, I lived alone with no company. No-one _could _ask me anything.

I still remembered my mother. She nursed me for a while, cared for me as necessary, then took me out hunting when I was old enough, left me to concentrate on a pigeon, and never came back.

Even when I was a naïve little fox cub, I always nestled up to my mother's warm belly fur and wondered about the emotion that pulsed from her.

It was sorrow and weariness, mingled together with a tint of mourning.

I wondered why on earth she felt that way. Even now, I wish I knew.

My mother never needed me. Sometimes, somehow, I knew that she often thought she was better off without me. She regretted it all.

She really did.

I bet she couldn't wait to get rid of me.

She was kind enough, at least, to take care of me until she didn't need to anymore, and until I didn't need her anymore either. She kept up her kindness for a considerably long time. She was incredibly patient. And after all, she was my mother. Even the most unwilling could never ignore that fact.

I had a sister too.

Primrose didn't even live long, but even in that short time that we were sisters I was sad when she died, and now I miss her very much. I would hear her chatter on about a dozen things while I was trying to get to sleep at night and at daytime I would see her sniffing at bushes and peering around trees as if she was trying to spot someone.

To be truthful I honestly didn't care what she was doing. My early days revolved around getting my mother's attention, because she was so distant, always staring off at the moor and mumbling words under her breath that I failed to comprehend.

By the time she left us, and the same day Primrose was killed by a hunger-crazed older fox that had been wandering the forest for moons, I had no more love for her, no more endurance to put up with her faraway stares. I felt nothing frantic when I at last realised that mother was gone for good.

Now, I am getting steadily older and am drawing closer to the line that separates life from impending death. I was scared.

How can I bear to say good-bye to life?


	2. Chapter 2

I was coughing in harsh rasps even in my restless sleep, ridden with fever from the biting cold air that settled annually every winter. At first my dream was just filled with a choking pitch black that smothered and muffled all other surroundings, but gradually silver streaks danced before my eyes like moonbeams in the night and lit wherever I was.

And I saw, standing in the rays of moonbeams, their fur glittering with small stars that clung to every strand…cats.

Millions of them were standing in front of me. I didn't know how they could all fit in my dream world, but they did, what's more they managed it well. The cats stared at me with serene eyes that practically radiated light. I couldn't stare back very well without blinking every so often against the light I was staring into, so I satisfied myself by squinting somewhere over their shoulders, where impenetrable shadows lingered.

Suddenly catching the eye of what looked like a starry-pelted fluffy kitten, I both felt and heard my stomach give out a ravenous grumble.

One of the starry cats, a silver tabby that I guessed was a female, stepped protectively in front of the kitten I was eyeing. I stared at her ear, still not wanting to meet _any _of the cats' luminous gazes, and knew it couldn't have been my imagination as a hiss of disapproval echoed around the clearing.

"The fox is ignorant." I heard a soft meow.

Dazed, not registering the fact that some cat had just insulted me, I felt confused and frightened to the tip of my bushy red tail. I knew this was a dream, but seriously? I could understand exactly what the cat was saying.

I shivered back a step.

For a moment there was only silence, in which I shifted on uncomfortable paws, itching to wake up. The starry cats observed me with eyes missing nothing.

I strained my ears, searching for a sound that would indicate where I was.

An eerie silence met my eardrums. Faintly, very faintly, I caught a delicate rustle in the breeze with my pricked russet ears, and sniffed out for the first time the familiar scent of trees.

An iridescent flare of hope danced in my belly. There was forest nearby. Even in my dream, this knowledge reassured me greatly.

But there were still these cats to consider.

The silence stretched on. I eyed each cat with suspicion. What a strange dream.

Finally, a meow broke the silence like shattering glass, but the words were not directed at all at me. A long-furred blue-grey cat turned his face towards his peers and spoke. Again, I understood exactly what the cat was saying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry that the last chapter was slightly on the short side! This chapter is hopefully a little longer.**

**Again, read and review. I love feedback and suggestions- they make everything worthwhile!**

It was, after all, a dream.

I did, after all, have a fever.

I was, after all, delirious with sickness.

And, after all, dreams were always meant to be far-fetched.

Dreams never meant much. All they really did was interfere with reality.

This is what I told myself. Of course, I was a rational female fox. I never gazed as far as my sensible old mind would let me. I never wondered about things I knew could _never_ be.

But here I was, surrounded by millions of starry-furred cats, listening to them meow away in noble-sounding voices, and I could _understand _exactly what they were saying…what else could I do but slightly freak out?

I was not enjoying this dream one bit.

"Are you sure this is the right fox?" the blue-grey cat asked in a low voice to a small black cat next to him.

I suppressed a snort. All this mystery and not even a single cat had spoken to me yet. Instead they worried away to each other, sharing a secret I wasn't in on.

"How would I know? Every fox looks the same to me." The small black cat replied quietly. I didn't miss the scorn in her voice. She said the word 'fox' like it disgusted her.

I couldn't help but bristle. These cats. Thinking they were the masters of the world.

Suddenly a new scent drifted towards me like a breeze blowing gently. And a voice, clearly speaking with the barks and growls I recognized almost immediately as the language of the foxes, whispered into my ear.

"Greetings, fellow fox."

I could have leaped out of my fur right then and there. The gazes of the starry cats around me swivelled to my left, where the voice had spoken.

I spun my head around, expecting to see a fox.

No fox stood beside me.

It was a cat, like all the rest, only there were no stars in the newcomer's fur, no reflection of glittering moon beams in the cat's wide amber eyes.

It was a cat…but yet, almost not a cat.

I stared and stared. I couldn't speak. Was it just my imagination that I had heard the cat speak fox-speak into my ear?

No, apparently.

"Fellow fox?" the strange cat barked again in fox language.

"I…"

I blinked. I felt numb. I couldn't make sense of this dream, this whirlwind of events that took place in my sleep.

"What is your name?" The strange cat barked, now sounding impatient.

I had to think before answering.

"Alepou." It was true. My mother had only called me this name once, but I remembered her looking directly at me, and saying, loudly and clearly, 'You are Alepou, okay?'

The strange cat blinked, and a flash of bitterness entered his eyes.

"Alepou." He repeated. He paused and then said, "That is an ancient word for 'fox'."

I tried not to look too surprised. What a self-explanatory name.

I ripped my stare off the strange cat and glanced at the other starry cats gathered around me. They weren't staring at me anymore, but were murmuring among themselves, and shooting mistrustful looks at the strange cat next to me. The blue-grey long-furred cat and the small black cat that I had heard talking before had turned their faces away to confer with a couple of tabbies that I had not noticed before.

I decided not to think about them. Maybe if I ignored their existence, they would eventually disappear. I turned back to the fox-speaking strange cat, and couldn't help but ask out of curiosity and a sudden impulse to know,

"What is _your_ name? How are you possibly talking to me, in _fox-speak_?"

I knew, I really wanted to convince myself that this was just a dream. But I was beginning to think it was more than that.

"Peace, Alepou." Something about the way the strange cat spoke my name smoothed down the bristling of my agitated fur.

He continued serenely, "You may know me as Elmspirit."

_Elmspirit._ I echoed the name in my head, and frowned to myself. A strange name to match a strange cat. How convenient.

"I used to be a fox like you." Elmspirit continued. His dark brown tail twitched with remorse.

This was way too weird.

I backed away a step, moving my paws for the first time.

"E-Excuse me? You used to be a fox? I-ridiculous!"

I flinched away from Elmspirit, shaking both on the outside and in the inside.

_This is just a stupid dream! A stupid dream!_

Elmspirit's amber gaze clouded. He didn't answer. To my surprise, he turned his head to the starry cats still sitting around me, who, in my shock, I had almost forgotten were still there.

"It is time." Elmspirit called. His voice shuddered, and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, but did not address me again.

The other cats' murmuring ceased instantly. Grave expressions seemed to suddenly shadow their luminous faces.

I opened my mouth to shout out with confusion, but nothing came out. I was scared. What were they going to do with me?

The cats moved closer. Some sort of excitement flitted through each expression, followed by flashes of doubt.

Elmspirit was closest, and he touched his nose to my forehead, a look of pure regret etched across his dark brown face.

I stared up at him, and babbled something out. I'm not sure what I said, but the tone in my voice was clear enough.

_I don't know what's going on. Please help me._

Elmspirit shook his head. Then he spoke.

"Alepou, you are an old fox. Tonight, you will die. You will die as a fox. But…" his words trailed away, lingering in the air.

I stifled a frightened cry, hating the fact that I felt so helpless.

_This is just a dream. Well, a nightmare. But nothing more than that. Nothing more than that._

But the words Elmspirit had spoken were certainly true. I _was _an old fox.

I _was _going to die. Possibly.

I trembled. I wanted _so much _to just wake up.

Elmspirit sighed, a clear note of sorrow in his sigh.

"You have a great destiny planned by us. You will save the Clans of cats, Alepou. I'm sorry."

_Sorry…for what?_

Elmspirit closed his eyes. "It is for the best, Alepou."

The place where his nose had touched my forehead burned like fire.

At the same time, my throat felt scratched by scorching claws.

I tried to scream, let out my pain, but my voice seemed lost.

Elmspirit stepped back. And the look, the look on his face was that of pure anguish, regret…and hope.

_Hope…?_

The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was that look on his face.

My vision flickered with images of cats. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter. My body tingled.

With my throat still feeling as if it was being poked with fangs of fire, I started to cough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh, great! This took sooner than I thought! Okay, here it is. The next chapter!**

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* * *

**

I coughed and coughed.

I doubled over with intense pain from my coughing. My throat felt hot, dry, scraped with heat.

I hated this. I hated this, and I so desperately wanted to stop coughing, but I somehow just couldn't.

I so wanted to wake up. In fact, I couldn't even figure out what was reality, what was my dream, what was in my sleep or in the waking world.

Was I still dreaming?

This pain was real. This coughing was genuine.

Bona fide.

The actual thing.

Elmspirit's soft barking voice, strangely melodic, floated somewhere ahead of me.

"Alepou. _Alepou_. " He sort of sang out my name and his voice was warm with a sympathetic touch, as if we were friends, as if he understood what I was going through. "Everything will be fine."

I was so captured in pain that I didn't hear his next sentence drift towards my ears. I didn't hear his softly spoken words hover in the air around me, echoed by millions of starry cats who stared at me with expressions now full of hope,

"Though it may not be what you expect, you will live to see another day- another life. Alepou."

_I hate you! I hate this!_

I choked on a cough, and, just like that, my vision swirled with chaos and erupted into blackness.

'_Don't ever regret, Alepou. You will save the Clans.' _I heard a whisper, in fox language, and knew, suddenly, I was listening to Elmspirit's voice, again.

_I don't know what you're talking about. _I thought weakly back.

Then I fell to the ground, collapsing with a thud.

* * *

I woke up to a frosty blue sky, panting, slightly coughing and relieved beyond words, not to mention badly shaken.

I blinked at the faintly glaring sun, leaped up and stretched euphorically.

I was alive.

It had, after all, been a dream.

Right?

I stretched once again, shaking off the sleepy feeling that weighed down my drowsy bones.

_Just a dream. _

I thought about Elmspirit, the starry cats.

_Just a dream!_

My coughing, the pain.

Hey, _wait_, let's go back to that sentence.

_My coughing._

I hurried back into my den, my eyes widening, and curled up into a tight ball in my mossy nest, trying not to tremble, trying not to scream out with confusion.

_Coughing._

Before I had been to sleep, I had been in the strong clutches of a definite lethal fever. I had _definitely _had a fever. Definitely.

Where had my fever gone?

It could have miraculously healed overnight.

Right?

Things like that rarely happened, but it was achievable.

But my mind wandered again to my dream, and I doubted that at my age I could make a miraculous recovery from both an internally and externally powerful fever.

Something was seriously wrong.

And I had the strangest feeling that I knew.

I mulled over my current state. I was a very old fox. I had felt certain that my end was near. That I was going to die. Surely I was.

I was old, after all.

But…? Yet I felt so young...and so full of energy. I hadn't been like this before.

I felt different too. Like, physically different.

And something was wrong with my mind. I wanted to scramble up the nearest tree, chase mice and leap after a bird.

What was going on?

And, as a fox?

I mean, _scramble up a tree?_

That was a weird thought. One would almost think I…

Was…

A…

Cat.

I felt my heart pound loudly, felt its tremor, heard myself let out a gasp. Horror streaked through my belly, leaving behind a cold trail of fear.

It couldn't be. It had all been just a foolish dream. Hadn't it?

I remembered Elmspirit. He was a cat. Well, I mean on the outside. He looked like a cat. You would think he _was _a cat, completely.

But I had heard him speak.

He had spoken with the language of the foxes.

And the way he looked at me, it was as if he understood exactly what I was going through.

His sympathetic tone, for one, unlike the doubtful gazes of the starry cats.

His understanding, regretful eyes, for another, expressing words I wasn't –until now- aware of.

But now I think I know. His eyes said, '_I know you're innocent. I'm sorry. But, like me, you are chosen. Chosen to suffer a fate. Like me.'_

_

* * *

_

After pondering what I should do for what seemed like _hours_, I finally scrambled to my paws, and padded through the forest. My mind was like a stone, radiating no thoughts and feeling numb.

I came to stream and looked around.

Was it just my imagination, or did I see a flash of blue-grey flicker behind a foliage of rubbery leaves to my right?

It reminded me of my dream, of the starry cat, the long-furred blue-grey one who had been talking with a small black cat.

I shivered and chased the thoughts away from my head. Best not to think about the dream _at all._

I stared down at my paws. They seemed smaller than usual, which only increased my suspicions.

And their colour was a lighter shade of russet. As I squinted at my paws, I caught traces of thin black stripes. I jerked my gaze away from my paws, apprehension making my clenched jaw ache.

Those wretched, sadistic starry cats. That wretched Elmspirit.

If my suspicions were correct…I shook my head, once, twice, three times and closed my eyes.

I couldn't possibly believe that my dream had been real. I couldn't possibly believe that…I gulped.

Well, I did believe. I did believe that I had been turned into…

Again, my brain refused to register the fact that poked at me, enforcing the growing sense of horror in my throat.

_There's only one way to know for sure._

I slowly opened my eyes. Slowly, slowly…and lifted my gaze to the stream, where my image was reflected on the shimmering water.

My heart drooped like lead. I flattened my ears.

Now, I was shaking uncontrollably.

_No! No!_

With golden eyes glittering- or was it just the effect of the stream? –and short, faintly striped, light russet fur shivering in the breeze stood me, a…

A…c-c-ca…

I looked away sharply, still shuddering with disgust, bewilderment and fear.

I opened my mouth to utter a dismayed cry.

But instead of a normal, foxish cry, what came out was a meow.

A _meow._

As in, the sound those cats make. A meow-meow thing.

You may have figured it all out by now.

Like Elmspirit, indeed.

Those cursed kitties had turned me into one of _them_.

I was now a cat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay…I was attacked by a severe case of writers block, but I'm all better now…so…**

If that discovery wasn't enough, here's more:

Right after I saw my reflection , a voice- more specifically, a _meow_- boomed out, "Who are you?"

Like in my dream, I understood perfectly what the meow was saying. As if I couldn't already guess though!

I turned slowly, oh so slowly, around. A long-furred blue-grey tom stood before me, pelt bristling aggressively, ears flattened and wide blue gaze staring at me with unmistakeable hostility.

(How I knew he was a tom, I don't know, but I guess he just smelt like one.)

"I'm Alepou." The words left my mouth before I could think. It just seemed like an ordinary way to answer. Clearly though, the cat hadn't been expecting me to speak.

"I didn't want to know your name!" he growled. I noticed his hind legs tense, saw his eyes narrow and knew with growing dread that I was about to be attacked.

I had to think fast.

"You _asked_ me yourself, lamebrain." I snapped, sounding nothing like the quivering fox I was inside. "How could I not answer? You said, 'Who are you'. Naturally, I had to tell you my name! "

Okay, sweet thinking. Now I was going to get torn up into shreds for talking back.

Surprisingly, the strange tomcat relaxed his stance. "Are you a lost kittypet?" he asked more gently. "If you are, I advise that you run back to your Twolegs or you might get hurt."

I was bewildered. What were these strange words this cat was speaking? Even with my feline-ish mind, I could not understand 'kittypet' or 'Twoleg'. Whatever they were though, they sounded horrible.

I straightened up, summoned my dignity and asked with a cough the only question that popped into my mind, "Pardon?"

The tom seemed impatient. He rolled his eyes. No doubt I was wasting his time. I notice that he's beginning to bristle again, and know there's still a big chance that I'll be attacked.

"Fine. Are you a _housecat_? Do you live with your _housefolk?_"

Oh, how I hated the way he was treating me like I was some kind of ignorant little kitten.

But how could I reply? Could I just say, 'You may see me as a cat, but no, I am a poor old tortured fox disguised in a feline's fur.'

"Uh, yeah, I am. Housecat and housefolk and all." I say, and attempt an innocent purr.

This cat rolls his eyes and snorts.

"Look, I'll kill you if you don't run away now." He threats. He reveals glistening white fangs with points sharp as a thorn.

"I'm going…" Slowly I back away. When I've reached a bunch of quivering ferns near the stream, I turn tail and run.

My paws fly over the ground, swiftly, softly, gracefully. I'm not used to cat paws. It's a strange feeling, running like this. In my past life, my fox self had been sick, old, tired and hadn't run in ages and a day. Running like this now was pure bliss, fox or not.

Paw steps thud behind me.

What? Was the irritating tom following me? I risk a deft glance over my shoulder. Indeed he is.

"Not that way!" he yowls, and leaps at me.

Oof! I'm rolling, rolling, rolling, across the grass. The stupid tom, that stupid tom, he's clawing at me. I flinch as his claws rake my back.

"Get off! You're hurting me!" I shriek.

"Exactly." The tom snarls. Suddenly, he's super hostile again, even though I thought he calmed down at least a little only seconds ago.

"Are you crazy? Are you an idiot?" I yelp. And I can't help it. I fight back. Whether it was fox instincts or cat, I couldn't tell. But I fought.

I lashed out a paw and my claws slashed the tom's nose, sending out a spray of crimson blood.

Then, lightning fast, I lunge forward and fasten my teeth in the tom's shoulder, pulling him off with a growl.

He collapses on to the ground for only a heartbeat before leaping up and staring up at me. "Why'd you fight back?"

"Do you think I'd willingly die?" I hiss. "Hare-brain. Why'd you attack? I thought you'd planned to leave me alone!"

"Well, yeah. But you were running towards the camp."

"Camp?" And I'm playing the ignorant newborn kitten again, because I really don't know a thing about the world of cats.

"Camp." The tom says firmly. "Yes, camp. You see we noble cats live as a Clan, working together, defending each other. And we live in a camp."

"Noble, schmoble." I spit.

This tom merely wrinkles his scratched nose at me, looking bewildered.

"You're different." He meows.

I certainly am. And in more ways than one.

"I am different," I answer, "But for stranger reasons than you think."

"That's for sure." He replies, looking baffled. "You're the weirdest cat ever."

Thank you.

"I could be." I say, trying not to hiss. Stupid tom! Were all cats this rude?

"Sorry, but you should go now." The tom meows, not sounding the least bit sorry.

"I was planning to," I growl, "But then you attacked me."

"No, like leave my territory," the tom says impatiently. "Okay? You go THAT way. Now." He gestures with his tail in the direction behind him.

I couldn't think of a comeback, so I stayed silent and padded past to depart.

"May StarClan light your path, Alepou." The tom says, still with that insincere, 'I'm merely being a gentle-tom' tint to his tone of voice.

_So he remembers my name after all that?_ I think cynically.

"What in the world is 'StarClan'?" I mutter loudly.

The last thing I see before I pad away with my cat paws is the tom standing there, his mouth dropping open with surprise.

What is it?

…Idiot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Not quite sure how long it's been since I've updated, but here's the next chapter. Read and review. (=^.^=) **

I returned to my den underneath the fern bush. I wanted to stay close to the stream, but I didn't wish to encounter that infuriating tom again, nor any other cat of his kind.

Nor did I wish to slip back to sleep, for I didn't want to experience another strange dream for anything in this world. Nor did I want to fall unconscious- and conveniently die.

But my thoughts kept wandering back to that tomcat. He wasn't the first cat I had ever met, but the other cats I had seen as a fox were always wearing little tinkling collars that proved pointless while hunting. They belonged to what foxes call 'Shortsnouts' and are always acting delicate and soft-hearted as if any type of dirt and blood will destroy their paws.

But the tomcat I had just encountered had no air of softness around him. Of that I was sure. That blue-furred tom was wild and knew how to fight. He probably wouldn't care two mousetails if his claws were stained permanently with enemies' blood. He'd be proud of it.

How I missed being just a fox. Things were so simple then. I knew who and what I was and where I stood. I was Alepou the fox, and the only thing I worried about was…death.

_Oh._

But I wasn't dead. I now was alive, and quite young, unlike the old and weary fox I was before.

But that didn't change the fact that I was now a cat.

My head drooped and imitated the bowing ferns that shrouded my den. I never asked to be a cat. I never asked to be tossed into the feline world without permission. If Elmspirit had only explained, if those starry cats had only explained, I wouldn't be feeling so lost in my own den as I felt at the moment.

My cat paws shook and my cat tail trembled. I wanted life, feared death, but I didn't ask for _this_.

I curled up as best as I can, and closed my eyes. I did not dream because I did not fall asleep.

I couldn't sleep, wouldn't sleep and I shouldn't if I didn't want to go insane.

But I did think. I thought about a lot of things. I thought about the strange feral tom and I thought about the past.

Memories filled my head like a puddle's water in the rain…

_Primrose looks glum today. She's usually all cheerful and yappy, but today she's not. Today she's staring out at the storm with a wistful look in her eyes. More than five times I wonder whether I should ask her what the heck she was moping on about, because I really wasn't used to seeing her all quiet and sombre, but I suppose that's life. Everyone gets in a bad mood every now and then. _

Oh, I remembered that day quite well. I was still a young fox cub. I couldn't hunt yet. Primrose was still alive, and Mother was still with us. She hadn't abandoned us yet.

_Mother is gone out hunting. I'm a bit worried._

_The rain is pounding very hard and fast. If I were out there in the storm I would be pummelled senseless by cold water. I'm not even sure it's good hunting conditions for Mother, so I don't know why she's out there looking for mice that are probably sheltering from the rainstorm in their cosy burrows. _

_I hope she catches something though. My stomach rumbles loudly._

_And I hope she comes back._

Mother always had acted distant. She never looked us right in the eyes. I would often think that maybe she hated us. But when she did show signs of love- when she groomed us and fed us and occasionally spoke with a warm tone to her voice- I would melt and throw aside all my worries. Other times I tried to catch her attention. If we always remained at the centre of her attention, she would always be thinking of us, and would never abandon us. That's what I thought.

Every time she went out hunting without us though, I developed this feeling of dread. I always wondered, 'What if she never comes back?'

"_Primrose? Are you hungry?" I say, casually._

"_Mother's doing her best."My sister replies very vaguely, much to my annoyance._

"_Well, I know, but are you hungry." I speak through gritted fangs._

"_I hope Mother catches a rabbit. Rabbits taste very nice." Primrose yawns and her voice is hazy._

_In my mind of logic, I mentally translate her distant words into something along the lines of:_

'_Yes, I'm indistinguishably hungry and thank you very much for asking,(note sarcasm) I sure would love to eat a rabbit right now because I'm so unclearly hungry.' _

_Uh._

"_Well, I'm hungry. Too." I say, clawing at my pride to paint a bright friendly tone into my voice. This is killing me, frankly, but I suddenly really feel like talking to Primrose, maybe because I want to know what's bothering her._

"_So?" Primrose asks rhetorically, and turns her back._

I suppose I really did care about my younger sister, though she did annoy me. I wonder if she really cared about me. It's not like we were together for long.

_Okay, now I'm absolutely hissing inside. What is happening to my sweet and caring sister? _

"_Whatever." I snap impatiently. Then I also turn my back._

_When Mother returns from her hunting expedition with no fresh-kill, we are silent._

_I'm painfully reminded of my starving stomach when it rumbles loudly. Mother must have heard it, because she looks instantly guilty, though there's something shadowy in her gaze, like she's hiding something important._

_Primrose just crouches at the corner of our den and doesn't say anything else. She looks gloomy and I don't know what to say._

_I want to eat._

_Maybe one day I'll be able to catch my own fresh-kill. Maybe Primrose too, but she'd have to snap out of that bad mood or I'd refuse to feed her. She's really not meant to be gloomy. It's not her. _

_So I'm curious about what's bothering her. There's something shadowy in her gaze too, as if she knows something that I don't. I see a reflection of a secret in both Primrose and Mother's eyes…_

_I guess I'm the only one without something to hide. The only one without a secret. _


	7. Author's Note READ HERE

A/N:

I'M STILL ALIVE, NOW EVERYBODY SHOUT TOGETHER: "HOOOORAAYY!"

Next chapter will be up soon after a few more days, and I'm sorry for the long wait…*bow*


	8. Chapter 7!

**Chapter 5:**

And then I fell asleep.

I was really, really, really _stupid_.

I was lying there in my den clearly awake and _fixated _on staying awake, and sane. I started thinking about the past…thinking about when I was little fox cub. That was the time when I realised that both Mother and Primrose knew something that I didn't.

They had secrets…

And then I fell asleep.

Was I drowsy? Dazed? No, I was just _stupid_. I fell asleep, and I don't know why.

I knew I was dreaming. I was surrounded by this incredibly thick mist and when I turned my head I saw- okay, scratch that, please. I _couldn't _see _anything_. It was all foggy and blurry and nauseating.

Suddenly I started dropping. I was dropping really fast and falling through the wet mist. And then I heard a voice; belonging to someone I had met before, someone I would rather forget and banish from my memory.

Elmspirit.

"Alepou." He greeted me in a warm tone as if we were friends, but we really weren't. I hated him.

I was still falling rapidly through the mist and his voice was still echoing all around like stray rain drops in a cave.

"Alepou. How are things?" … Elmspirit's annoying voice. I wanted to scratch him…but I couldn't see him at all. The only trace of him was his voice and it was creeping me out.

"You dragged me into this hateful mess. Drag me out!" I spat with venom. "Stop playing games with me! I didn't ask for this, okay? I never did! At least…At least explain _why _you're being so selfish!"

"Alepou, stop yowling." For the first time ever, I heard Elmspirit's voice harden.

…_!_ …The mist cleared away to darkness. Abruptly I stopped falling and landed with a loud thump on grass.

A…meadow. Elmspirit appeared in front of me.

"Hi." He said, simply.

I ignored him, turning my back so I wouldn't need to look at him. "Get me out this cat body." I muttered.

"I can't do that."

"Then just go away, you useless dung-brain."

"I can't do that either."

I felt a stormy whirl of anger in my belly. "Leave me alone!"

There was a brief moment of uneasy silence. Elmspirit's voice cracked with hurt when he spoke again. "I can explain, really."

"Then you'd better hurry up and explain now!"

"Fine!" he snapped sharply. That made me jump. Elmspirit sounded as angry as I was. And I was really angry. _Maybe even the most docile cats need to vent. _

"I'm listening." I growled, feeling grass snag in my claws as pulled at the ground.

Elmspirit paced back and forth. I heard his pawsteps going to and fro behind me.

"You met a Clan cat, correct?" Elmspirit began with an agitated question.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you really talking in foxspeak, cloud-brain? Because I have no idea what you just said."

A hiss of impatience from Elmspirit. I turned to see his amber eyes narrowed at me almost hostilely. "If you're going to carry on like that, this is going to be a very long dream. Do you want to be sleeping forever, Alepou?"

"Don't give me that mouse-dung!" I snarled, offended. My fur bristled but I couldn't be bothered to smooth it down.

I let my memories do the thinking, the talking. "Okay, here's the scoop. I met this strange cat with blue-grey fur who was acting all defensive. He wasn't like the other cats I saw as a fox because he had that wild look and didn't wear a fancy collar. And he attacked me."

I twisted my head to search my pelt for battlescars. "I fought back."

"He was a Clan cat. A warrior of DappleClan." Elmspirit meowed knowledgeably. "His name is Boldclaw."

_Weird name. _I think.

"It may be a strange name," Elmspirit explained as if he could read my mind "…but warriors take pride in their names because their full names are like a right- they've proven themselves and they are proud of that-"

_What kind of animal needs some kind of special permission top get a full name? Delusional. _"This is all extremely irrelevant." I cut in harshly. I'm often told I have no mercy. "I don't need to know that pompous kitty's name."

There was a soft_whump _as Elmspirit sat down. He had a weary expression on his face; all irritation seemed to have flown out of his head.

"You don't know how relevant this all is, Alepou." He sighed. I saw a wistful air of nostalgia in the twitching of his feline ears.

_You don't know how much I miss being a fox! Now _that's _nostalgia, you dung-head. _I flopped down onto my side and eye the sky. It was an almost-black kind of colour, with dashes of the darkest blue. Speckling this zenith were small yet bright stars…so bright that I got the feeling that even if I sank into nadir – the deepest pits- I would still see them, winking at me rather rudely.

"Stars look bright." I muttered, "Bright …and _immensely cold._"

"Do you remember those starry cats in your…uh, you know, that dream you had before you, well, died as a fox?" Elmspirit questioned awkwardly. I guessed he was loath to remind me of the reason why I hated him so much.

_Died as a fox…? But I still think as a fox. And, figuratively, I still have the heart of a fox._

Silently I ignored him. I didn't want to think about that dream. That dream that forever changed my life- er, _lives_?- that dream that ruined everything; those cats that had _nothing _to do with me, those sadistic cats…

…I detest everything to do with that first dream…yet, I totally want to talk about it.

I started to talk. It was strange, really…in my dreams, I spoke purely in foxspeak, the language of the foxes of which I was always loyal to. But in reality I now spoke catspeak. Like a typical feline.

"Those starry cats…do they have anything to do with the stars? I mean, they've got those glitzy stars in their fur." I snorted with derision.

Elmspirit looked slightly amused, for some reason.

"Maybe it does look rather glitzy. Well, sort of. They've been discussing that lately. These cats…are dead. Like me." He paused, nostalgia probably choking him up.

I didn't let him continue speaking. Blehhhhh, I didn't want him getting all sentimental and starting to…somewhat sob.

"I hate stars. Everytime I see them, I'm reminded of those hateful starry cats. I hate…I hate it all." I growled.

"One day you'll thank them, Alepou."

"You're really not making any sense, ya know?"

Silence. I took the chance to glance around the meadow.

We were positioned slightly to the side. In the middle of the field there was a few wild daisies growing and their splash of white petals really stood out among the dark green whisker-like grass. I smelt the comfortable scent of trees nearby; I felt that squirrel-ish…no, I felt that feline urge to claw my way up them.

Urrrrgh. I really, really hated my new kitty instincts. Being a fox was so much more…_me. _

"Why?" I mumbled under my breath.

Suddenly I felt like crying. My throat started to ache. _No…don't cry…I shouldn't…geez, what am I, weak? Toughen up. _

I gulped back the feeling and buried it hastily.

Too late. Elmspirit seemed to have noticed my near-tears moment.

He scuffed his paws against the grass for a moment, then ended up tearing some up in his discomfort. Ripping the grass like I was, but not as artistically.

"Okay. Alepou. I think it's time I told you about what happened to me."


	9. Chapter 8

**…OH IT WILL BE SO EPIC. xDDD Feeling the pressure of an author, but loving it!**

" I was just like you, Alepou." were Elmspirit's words.

I wrinkled my nose. "That doesn't please me very much."

He didn't seem to hear my barbed remark. He carried on speaking in a distant voice and I couldn't help listening.

"I was still a young fox cub, unlike you, when I received a dream from StarClan. " Elmspirit twisted his head round and suddenly stared hard at me. "The same dream, the same pain and confusion though."

"StarClan are rats." I spat without thinking. "So _you_ _also_ had a half-witted kitty speaking to you in foxspeak and telling you all this about feeling the same pain."

Snorting, I turned away, wishing I hadn't listened to him.

Again, Elmspirit didn't seem to register my insult about him being half-witted.

"I really was a fox, too." He insisted quietly, tail flicking earnestly. "And I had the same destiny."

I hated him.

"There's no such thing as destiny." I growled, ears flattening. "We make our own choices. Nothing's all ready and laid out for us in life. It's…_never_ that easy."

"I failed my prophecy." Elmspirit mumbled almost to himself. He was completely ignoring me now. I watched nervously as his eyes clouded with choking regret. He spoke now in a whisper. "I let DappleClan down."

_Has he gone mad?_

"That's twice you've mentioned DappleClan now." I spring to my paws suspiciously. "But you really haven't explained anything."

Suddenly his eyes were clear again, like the sky after the rain. Elmspirit blinked and shook his head. Scrambling to his paws, the cat- or fox?- started to back away from me as if he was scared. I noticed his legs trembling.

"I…silly me. I must show you a vision." He then almost purred, freaking me out. "Of the Clans."

I shuddered as his eyes gleamed. _What's gotten into him? _The grass under my paws felt strangely slippery as I turned, my blood rising with confusion.

"I think I'd better go- I mean, I'm just gonna-"

Elmspirit disappeared.

_WHAT—_

Black spilled into my vision.

And I saw an image. Was this the 'vision' Elmspirit had been blabbering on about?

No, not an image. A scene. And, unexpectedly, it filled me with a strange feeling of warmth.

Many cats were gathered in a ravine that stretched around them like a protective wall. Did these cats…live there? Did they?

Another strange feeling bubbled up inside of me as I watched them meow to each other.

Want. I wanted to be with these cats. I wanted to be with them…a lot.

Everything around them shimmered with strength and devotion. They stood as a group, a family. And unlike the cold StarClan they were…alive.

I stood transfixed...

A flash of blue fur in the scene caught my eye. A cat stirred up a cloud of dust as he bounded into the ravine, a dead rabbit clutched in his jaws triumphantly. He stopped in the middle of the ravine and dropped his catch. Cats around him turned and purred, their eyes gleaming with recognition.

My heart leaped with recognition.

It was the pompous tom from before. "Boldclaw."

Now I wish I had talked to him more when I had first met him.

…So this was DappleClan, hmm? I stared at the cats for what seemed like ages. As a cat, this…this was something I wanted to be a part of.

_I want a part of this._

In the corner of my mind Elmspirit's face flashed, smug and satisfied. I pushed it away, remembering. Elmspirit had been saying something about the Clans. Right. Stupid.

Then I gazed at the scene again, unable to glance away for even a minute. Had I seen this place before? I…no, I hadn't. But it had to be near, if Boldclaw was there. I would find it.

Maybe these cats would let me eat a few rabbits from their stack of fresh-kill.

_Look at them. Sharing with each other._

The images were slowly evaporating and now I looked around the clearing. Was Elmspirit coming back?

_I hope not. But how do I get out of this dream?_

Out of the blue, Elmspirit's voice echoed through my mind. "Just focus on the living, Alepou."

_Get out of my head. _I thought angrily, starting to bristle. But his words echoed intriguingly.

Focus on the living? Okay. Okay. Okay.

But…who? I suddenly felt lonely. Who did I know that was still alive? I was alone in this world. My family gone.

I stamped my paw, feeling sick. My claws shot out, sinking into grass. I really was all by myself, huh? No-one was with me, no-one _could_ help me. I wasn't part of a Clan…or anything-

And then it came to me, in a burst of warmth that flooded my heart. Like the sweetest pool of water in the world.

DappleClan. And that tom, Boldclaw.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, picturing their faces, of the vision that I had seen.

_Focus on the living. Focus, Alepou..._

* * *

When I woke up with a sigh of relief, Elmspirit's voice lingered in my head.

But I knew what to do even before it spoke to me. I was smart that way.

"Find the Clans, Alepou."


	10. Chapter 9 !

**WOOHOO! Hello, everyone! Onto the next chapter…**

First, I needed to hunt.

It wasn't a random thought. Hunting was…justified. How could I travel all the way from this forest to the moors without eating first?

I had to eat.

This was the first time I had hunted in my cat body. It was nerve-wracking, and I wondered that if I couldn't adjust to this feline body enough to hunt for a meal, where would I be?

It was different. Everything was. My body felt light, my senses on a whole new level from when I was an old fox. Oh, and I had that unexplained urge to claw a tree.

I closed my eyes first of all, reaching out with my ears to probe the sounds around me. Was that a rustle up high in the branches of a tree just there to my left? A chafing of wings? The trees all around me offered feathered prey that pulsed with warm flesh and strong blood.

_No. I'm not ready to hunt birds of anything. I'm not ready! _I stretched my senses wider, further outward… _A mouse or two would be nice._

And I heard it, right in front of me, a faintly scraping sound.

Bingo.

A mouse.

Now, how did I do this? How did I…_hunt…_?

Instinct was all it took. Instinct and hunger.

I leapt forward without thinking, letting myself soar over the ground. Angling my body towards where the mouse was, I landed with a thud.

The mouse was just a tail-length ahead of me. It turned and squeaked loudly.

My belly rumbled.

The mouse jolted and dashed away.

_Curse it! _I knew how clumsy I was being. Come to think of it, when I had landed, my foot had twisted awkwardly. Now it stung with a throbbing pain.

I. Didn't. Care.

_I just didn't._

Still I leaped forward, my _everything_ fixated on catching the mouse. I couldn't let my meal get away. The feline urge to survive was almost as strong as that of a fox.

"You stupid…freaking mouse…!" In my haste I tripped over a misshapen stick that jutted out of the ground in front of me.

"…!"

What happened next…some may call it fate or destiny. To me, it was just luck. And, truthfully, luck was all I needed…

Tumbling over, I was pushed forward as I fell. I lashed out a desperate paw to steady my fall, and guess what?

I trapped the mouse.

I had it.

I really did.

I felt breathless as I quickly killed the mouse with a swift nip. It died instantly, half out of terror, and for a moment all I could do was gape at its suddenly lifeless form, crushed under my paw.

When I finally believed that it wasn't some weird dream- I'd been having _many pawfuls _of strange dreams lately- I dug in without another thought, ripping succulent flesh. My feline fangs knew exactly what to do, thankfully.

My first meal as a feline cat, and I had to say, it was the best.

I stalked through the forest, not really knowing where I was going; but I followed this instinct, knowing that the sooner I got out of the forest I could go find DappleClan.

The mouse had energised me and sent strength back into my muscles. I was probably an idiot for being so ridiculously confident after just one meal, but ever since I'd been turned into a cat…I needed it, I needed some reassurance, something more real than Elmspirit's useless visits.

All that unexpected confusion and repulsion from sadistic old StarClan seemed dull now. If I could hunt, I could survive and if I could survive, I sure as StarClan would have the strength to find DappleClan.

But.

It all went downhill when I wandered upon a dead sparrow.

A dead sparrow.

Did you just laugh at me? Aha.

I sniffed at the dead sparrow suspiciously. It wasn't crowfood- it was newly killed, but this only raised my suspicion. Whoever had killed it couldn't be very far away. I hadn't planned to meet any other creature but a cat of DappleClan but this forest was nowhere near the moors. Who? Who else was here…?

A shiver of alarm made the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. It sure wasn't a fox who had killed the sparrow. In fact, I could have sworn that a ca—

"What, really? You forgot to bury your catch again?" something meowed loudly from behind.

A meow.

A meow.

A meow.

_Meow._

I spun around, claws sliding out. My eyes darted this way and that, squinting through the wall of bushes around me. Was that a flash of dusty pale brown fur? Cat fur?

"Yeah," this time it was a higher-pitched, younger voice. I caught a glimpse of bright orange fur just to my left, my heart pounding with unease. "Sorry!" it squeaked, and I tensed.

"Honestly, Flamepaw." The older voice again.

And then the cats pushed their way through the bush- and came face to face with me.

I watched their look of surprise, then hostility. My legs shook too hard to run away. I started pondering how on earth I was going to fight the two of them- the smaller cat was younger than me but the full-grown one had strong muscles and powerful limbs, though both looked gaunt and hungry- when the older cat spoke in a menacing hiss.

"Who are you?"

Before I could reply, the smaller cat –…Flamepaw?- piped up in an unfriendly tone, "She smells funny."

_Thanks a bunch, runt._

Well, being a fox in a cat's body, I had to smell a little different.

"Y-your sparrow." I hated the fact that I was stuttering.

Were these cats in a Clan or something? They reminded me of Boldclaw- pompous, devoid of pet-kitty softness. And the wild courage in their gazes reminded me of the proud, devoted look I had seen on the faces of DappleClan.

These cats weren't DappleClan, but still they had similarities to DappleClan.

"Who are you?" I managed to say. "Is this your territory, or something?"

Yeah by the way _thanks_, Boldclaw, for teaching me about how fussy wild cats are about territory. I mean...sort of like foxes are.

The older cat straightened her shoulders and tilted her head in a threatening manner, like she thought she was superior. Was she?

"I am Swallowstar, leader of SpeckleClan. Of course this is my territory."

…Not what I wanted to hear.

At all.


	11. Chapter 10

**Weekends are so short ='(**

**Thank you, everyone, for your feedback, and for those of you who are reading this right now! I type a lot faster when I read all the comments and encouragement. Just knowing that there are still people reading this (coz I'm such a slow updater…? Meep! *hides*) gets me going. **

**Mwe he he he he!**

**Enjoy~**

I could not believe my feline ears.

_SpeckleClan._

_SPECKLECLAN, Alepou._

_S.P.E.C.K.L.E…C.L.A.N._

_And the freakin' leader? Even worse!_

What had I gotten myself into?

"You're not DappleClan!" I spat out, as if it wasn't already obvious.

The older, brown-furred cat –Swallowstar- stared me coldly in the eyes. "Who are you, stranger?"

The juvenile bright orange tom by her side came up fearlessly, his nose twitching with distaste. He sniffed my fur scornfully, as if I was his subordinate. "Who _are _you? You smell, like, really weird!"

…_Thanks_, kiddo. THANKS A BUNCH.

_You smell nice too. Ha ha._

As he sneered at me, I snapped. _Instinct, _the word leapt into my mind.

I raised a paw, hissing…

… striking the idiot across his face.

My paw flashed across his cheeks harshly, a hard blow that I felt proud of.

"Owww!" he yelped, and I couldn't help but snicker a little. Served the brat right -

It was then that Swallowstar leaped.

Leaped

at

me.

I saw a whirl of brown fur and claws stretched towards me. Something heavy hit me, throwing me to the ground with massive strength. A ferocious yowl.

I blacked out.

* * *

Something cold was splashed onto me and the sudden sensation sent a jolt coursing through me like lightning. Gasping, I flailed my paws around, stirring up dust in agitation.

_What, what, what, what, wha-_

"Calm down, prisoner!" a harsh meow grated the air, sounding close to my ear.

I opened my eyes.

A faded red tabby knelt over me, a strong smell of leaves clinging to her fur. She bared her teeth at me, and I bared my teeth back as my belly churned with dread.

"…" Flailing my paws again I lashed my tail in a frenzied manner and when the old cat leaned back with wariness, I stumbled quickly to my paws, shivery after being splashed with cold water.

"Where in StarClan am I?" I gulped, turning on the old cat with an accusing glare. "And who in StarClan are you? And Swallowstar? I was attacked by her-somecat- the sparrow. DappleClan…"

I stopped to catch my breath, holding back a flood of words. My eyes darted around, studying my surroundings. I was still in the forest. I was on a wide patch of grass shrouded in dark green ferns with branches woven through them, all around me, like a prickly dome.

I looked around, squinting. Where was the exit?

The old cat was staring at me oddly. "You know StarClan? And DappleClan?"

"I…" Why had I mentioned StarClan? It was just a kind of reflex, like so many reflexes I had experienced in this world of cats. "I…_hate _StarClan!" I blurted out, like she needed to know that.

The old cat looked even more intrigued. "_What_ are you?" she muttered.

Manners, old kitty. Mind your manners.

I'm actually a dangerous, corruptive, violent and bloodthirsty elderly fox who, by some unlucky twist of fate, got put into this no-good feline body by some sparkly madcats. Madcats who don't know how to properly answer a question and they piss me off because they have those glitzy stars in their fur like they're the rulers of the world.

Oh, and just last night I got visited in an impromptu dream by a sadistic idiot who insists on having been in the same boat. And I have to find DappleClan, which is the only thing I actually agree to, but before I could do that I got attacked by two _other _pompous kitties that look at me like I was a pile of dung that stunk like StarClan. Which stung, because no-one likes to be told that they smell funny.

Satisfied?

Yes, that was a very brief summary of how much my second life sucked.

Since I couldn't say all that to the old cat and still seem reasonably sane, I kept my mouth shut, staying silent.

She stared at me as if she'd just read my mind. Which I hope she hadn't, you know?

"Maybe I should introduce myself." She finally meowed, in a slightly softer tone.

Brava.

"Please do…" I muttered. Man, even though I could speak cat-tongue –wasn't even sure if I could speak fox anymore- I wasn't used to actually communicating with a cat.

The old tabby hesitated. "My name is Grassfur."

"Weird name." I said without thinking.

_Whoops._

Grassfur flinched, bristling. When she spoke next, her voice was back to its previous harsh tone.

"I'm a medicine cat. I communicate with StarClan, and heal cats with herbs."

Before I could register her words, she carried on curtly, "Don't think you've gotten away, prisoner. You're in the SpeckleClan camp, and we won't treat you very nicely."

Medicine cat? StarClan…communicate? Herbs? Prisoner? SpeckleClan camp? Nicely…?

I sprang back, feeling the old feeling of fear back in my belly. I had to go find DappleClan. I had no time for…for being held prisoner in a strange Clan. And what…

"What did I do? You don't own me. No-one does." I growled. My loud meow held all the anger I was now feeling, like a fire burning in my chest.

"You were trespassing." Grassfur answered crisply, her clear blue eyes glinting with unfriendliness.

"I refuse to be imprisoned!" I shot back even louder. "I'll- I'll definitely escape! In fact- I'll escape right now!"

I stepped forward, shoving the medicine cat back and darted to the edges of the den furiously. I noticed a softer part of the wall where no branches or brambles were woven through.

_This must be the entrance…or exit. Either way—_I started to push through the ferns.

Suddenly teeth dug into my tail, tugging me back. I spun around to see Grassfur, biting on to the end of my tail with irritation in her expression. For an old cat, she sure had a lot of strength. For the first time I saw the muscles shifting under her shoulders.

So Clan cats were strong after all?

"Calm down!" Grassfur meowed through gritted teeth. She spat out my tail. "Look, we won't kill you. Just calm down!"

I tried to calm down.

"I'm going to take you to see Swallowstar. I'm curious about your knowledge of StarClan, and she will be too. Then we'll decide what to do with you."

I hesitated.

"Follow me." Grassfur ordered, and marched out.

I had no other choice, right? Sighing, I followed her out the den to see Swallowstar.

This was not the way I was planning to escape. But if I hung around a little, I wondered...what they could tell me- if at least some of my questions would be answered?

Maybe they'd let me go.. But why were they so interested in my knowledge of StarClan?

What a weird group of cats.

And what a mess I was in.


	12. Chapter 11 !

**Dun dun dun…**

"So you know StarClan?"

That was the first thing Swallowstar said to me when I entered her den, which was tucked under a few small creeping trees that were so entwined that if it were to rain, no water would get through.

I stared. Grassfur dipped her head towards Swallowstar, nudging me to do the same. I gave an awkward nod.

The leader did not look very impressed. She repeated her question in a monotone,

"So you know StarClan?"

I shrugged and shuffled my paws. What was so special about sadistic StarClan anyway? "Yeah, so what?"

"But you're not a Clan cat." Swallowstar meowed rather coldly, regarding me with an icy disbelief. I don't know if she realised it, but her fur was bristling uneasily. "So, how do you know, prisoner?"

…I really didn't like being called that.

"It's none of your business." I snapped, "And _please _don't call me that. I have a name, you know? Everyone does."

"I'm Swallowstar." The leader suddenly said in reply. "And I'm sure Grassfur has introduced herself. But you haven't told us your name, prisoner."

Grrrr. As if I would tell them.

I started to back out of the den. All questions I had been hoping to ask flew out of my head. Was it possible for me to simply race out of camp? I didn't know if I was fast or not in my feline form…

Before I could take another step back, Swallowstar flicked her tail.

_A command._

_A signal._

Two heavy-muscled cats startled me from behind. I turned around, surprised. They took places at my left and right and pushed me away to who knew where.

"Wha-" I struggled and lashed out with my paws. The two guards spun their heads around at me and glared so hard that I almost fell to the ground in shock. I had to struggle not to let my fear show through my eyes; in a way, I was ashamed of myself because here I stood as a former fox and I couldn't stand up to two kitties?

"Keep still, prisoner." Swallowstar called. I could see her eyes glinting from the shadows of her den, a silent warning. "Maybe when you're ready to talk peacefully, we'll let you go. I had wanted to interrogate you a little more, but perhaps that should wait."

My meeting with SpeckleClan's leader was over, and the guards forced me over to a tight, smelly corner of the camp where the den for the prisoner was.

The prisoner, being me.

* * *

If I were a fox, I would eat them all up, no questions asked. I would eat them all up, full stop.

I would eat them all up.

Oh, but I really couldn't, 'cause now I was a kitty just like them.

_StarClan I hate you so, so much. You don't know how much I do. Really._

It was leaf-bare and as I looked around the camp, I could see the damage that the cold had brought to SpeckleClan. Not that I cared what happened to them, but it was so obvious that I couldn't just avert my eyes.

There was a pile of caught prey in the middle of the camp. It had looked delicious to a hungry person like me when I first glimpsed sight of it, but when I looked closer I saw that the fresh-kill was all haggard and skinny; covered in dark mud. From random directions I heard coughing, sneezing and the wheezing of sick cats. Grassfur ran here and there with strong-smelling herbs in her jaws, looking frenzied and mad with worry.

Warriors returned from hunting looking many times more tired and hopeless than when they had left the camp. Scraps were tossed onto the pile of caught prey and stared at with disgust- not just by me, but every Clan member who padded...or limped...past.

Man, they were in trouble and even I felt sorry for them.

By afternoon I learned of the ranks in the Clan: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior, Queen, Medicine cat, Deputy, Leader and Elder.

Oh, and _prisoner_.

Was it the same in DappleClan?

How would I get out of here?

_Elmspirit, you stupid fool, help me out for once._

Why couldn't I just go die? I was never meant to go on living, right?

I hadn't done anything wrong. It was the truth. I really didn't deserve this.

I had to find DappleClan, too…surely they would be nicer to me than SpeckleClan. But inside me I felt a shivering doubt, the possibility that no matter what Clan it was they would all treat me like this. I was sick of being prisoner. I mean, honestly? I hadn't hurt these cats in any way. Sniff at a sparrow and _B-A-M_ I'm prisoner.

One of the warriors standing guard was discussing something with the Clan deputy. I pricked my ears, not caring enough to eavesdrop. Suddenly the guards loped off, leaving the deputy to stare at me icily.

…O-kay, then.

"You mad at me or something?" I muttered. Before I could wait for an answer, the guard came back. My mouth dropped wide open...

He had a dead mouse clutched in his jaws, and he was offering it to_ me_.

For me?

I spluttered a bit and said nothing else. Was this the end of the world?

The guard dropped the mouse and stared at me repulsively. "Swallowstar's orders. Eat it, prisoner." He made it sound as if I _didn't_ want to eat it.

As I pulled the mouse towards me, the deputy trotted away. The guard took up his spot again. I dug in.

_So they feed prisoners…?_

The mouse had little meat on its bones, but it was enough for me. I finished it in no time and felt instantly re-energised. Sometimes just a meal could make the world a little brighter. Even if it was a thin scrap of a meal eaten in the camp of an enemy...maybe if they had the heart to feed, they'd let me go eventually.

Suddenly there was a deafening pounding of pawsteps. A small tabby cat the colour of mud- apprentice?- screeched his way into the camp. "Swallowstar! Swallowstar!"

I sat up, interested. Action? Excitement?

Swallowstar appeared from her den, her face contorted into a frown. "What's all this racket, Muddypaw?"

Muddypaw's eyes were wide and scared. "While we were out training- uh, the…" he started shaking.

I sat up even more. Whatever it was, it seemed to scare him badly.

Swallowstar leaned in as the apprentice whispered something into her ear. "…" I watched her stiffen and shudder just a little.

What? What?

"Two adult foxes are attacking." She announced to the Clan, and my heart stopped.

_Foxes._

That was when everything turned upside-down._  
_

Swallowstar started calling forward warriors to accompany her to the foxes. I stared my mouth dry as she, out of the blue, turned to me. Her expression was both thoughtful and cunning.

"Prisoner," she said, "we are short of warriors. This leaf-bare has taken more than we bargained for."

I listened numbly, my vision spinning.

Swallowstar flicked her tail at her patrol of warriors, and I gazed blankly as they started heading out of camp.

_I..._

"Come with us, prisoner. If you prove yourself worthy in this battle against two foxes, then we may consider taking you in to become...one of SpeckleClan."

_I..._

I followed them out of camp.


	13. Chapter 12!

**Thank you for all your encouragement! And now…**

It was hard to think. Too hard.

Pelts, of all colours, of all patterns, were before my eyes. I tried to synchronise my movements with the cats around me, but I would never be as graceful as these trained cats- cats who were _just_ cats.

Not like me; I was fox. No-one knew that. Only me.

...Well I was told I smelled funny, but that was it.

This was the first time I had seen the Clan in action. They were united, they had each other, and I couldn't help but admire that loyalty I knew they had for one another. _Like DappleClan?_

Why? Why had Swallowstar said that? Did she _want _me to join? They knew I had knowledge of StarClan, but what was that worth?

We were racing so, so fast through the forest. I felt like my lungs had been set on fire.

_Too fast. Too bright. Too strange._

I felt like crying.

I felt like dying.

How was I going to face the foxes?

Why had I even followed this stupid SpeckleClan? I didn't want to join them. I didn't want to become one of them. I wanted DappleClan, but still I ran.

Maybe it was the thought of finally seeing some foxes. One of my kind, my past life, my everything. But could I even be counted as a fox anymore? No! How ever much I ached to be a fox again; How ever crazy every cat seemed to be, how ever sadistic Elmspirit was.

_What…am…I?_

What…what kind of monster creature had StarClan turned me into?

Bare winter trees swept by as I ran with SpeckleClan and the skeletons of dead leaves crunched loudly under my paws. How could the Clan run so quietly? I felt heavy and clumsy next to them.

I felt like I was burning.

Suddenly we were paws stumbled up a storm of leaf-bare debris as I hastened to skid to a stop. Swallowstar, at the front of our patrol, lifted her tail in a silent signal. I squinted in confusion. What kind of signal? What did she mean?

Meanwhile, SpeckleClan around me dropped into a foreign formation while I stood dumbly behind them, gaping. _Suuuuure_ it was cool just standing there gawking- I felt stupid...so stupid.

Swallowstar rolled her eyes and me and said nothing. I'm glad she didn't diss me. The leader crept over to a dense group of spidery bushes that teetered at the edge of the forest. We followed.

And I smelled it.

It.

Fox.

A choking sensation filled my throat and I found it hard to breathe.

Fox.

The word stomped through my head, wiping everything else away.

Fox.

Fox.

Fox.

_Fox…_

There were two huge foxes with their fur the colour of rusted metal, growling and snapping at something. As I looked closer, I felt my heart lurch with disgust at what I saw.

The bleeding body of a tomcat, lying limp and barely breathing under the shadow of a tree. I didn't know who it was and somehow I felt my belly twist with a strange sense of guilt, because deep down I didn't care.

So the foxes had done this? I didn't know what to think…

_Who…should I root for?_

An evil thought. It was an evil thought and a pang of guilt crackled through me like lightning.

Around me, I heard faint gasps from SpeckleClan as they saw what I saw. Many warriors bristled and spat with anger in their eyes, claws unsheathing as they glared cold daggers at the foxes. They knew this near-dead cat?

Ah, the foxes had attacked one of them.

_Who…should I root for?_

_Shut up, you evil demon, _I hissed inwardly to myself. _I'm not fighting…_

But wasn't Swallowstar expecting me to? Wasn't SpeckleClan randomlyexpecting me to fight…_with_ them? To prove myself to them, or something? Suddenly my mouth felt dry. No. I couldn't fight the foxes.

OF. Course. Not! They're...

I used to be one of them. Right? I couldn't fight the foxes.

I couldn't.

There was a soft swish of fur as Swallowstar waved her tail in another mysterious signal. I turned, seeing her eyes fixed murderously on the foxes; I turned, seeing the battle-hungry eyes of SpecklClan warriors tense with anticipation.

_To avenge their Clanmate. _But I didn't_ have_ to be trained to figure out what Swallowstar wanted now.

"Attack, SpeckleClan!"

_No...?_

SpeckleClan surged in around me. They leapt towards the foxes with their eyes alight with fury. I heard yowling and spitting in feline voices, and the barking of the two foxes. They didn't stand a chance. Not against so many enraged cats.

As I stared, frozen to the spot, I caught a glimpse of Swallowstar's proud eyes glinting like moons at me. They spoke a challenge and something darker, something bloody.

"_Come with us, prisoner. If you prove yourself worthy in this battle against two foxes, then we may consider taking you in to become...one of SpeckleClan."_

I remembered her words. A shudder shook me to the tips of my claws.

_Who…should I root for?_

The evil thought again, but I wanted to listen to it just once.

_DappleClan. _The thought said. That was really all I needed, all the encouragement I had been waiting to hear.

Strength flooded into my limbs. I sprang forward and pushed through the surging SpeckleClan. Swallowstar spun around, staring at me with wide-eyed disbelief as her mouth hung open in confusion. I pushed my way through the crowd of fighting... and cats were so surprised that they _let_ me push them away. Everyone started shouting at me, screaming spitefully into my ears, calling me 'prisoner', telling me to _stay back_. I pressed on.

Till I came face to face with the foxes.

They were battered and covered with gashes. Breathing heavily. I tried hard not to let my legs shake as I faced them.

_If I spoke to them…would they understand?_

The strength I felt only moments before was ebbing as I looked into their eyes. Would they know that…I used to be one of them? Emotion ripped through me.

But all that looked back into my feline eyes was hatred and disgust.

_I'm a fox..._

I summoned my voice forward and my throat itched as I tried to bark. Elmspirit could talk foxspeak even in cat form- I should too. I _had_ to! This wasn't about wanting to speak to my own kind again...this was something I_ needed_, like something to tell me that I really _was_ a fox. That my past life wasn't some crazed dream that I had just tricked myself into believing. Everything about being a fox was true...right...?

_Primrose...Mother...I know they existed, they were my family... ...?  
_

Because it had been a growing fear inside of me, something I hadn't realised until now. What if I really was a cat, I meant totally a cat? What if I _was never_ a fox- everything about my fox life was just imagined? _But I had to, I had to believe._ Because being a fox, that life was everything and I had to believe in it so I would never let it go.

So I tried. I tried so hard to bark. To speak the language of the foxes, which I had taken for granted so pathetically. The two foxes in front of me squinted at me hostilely, but still I tried.

I really did try.

To bark again.

_Give me a connection._

"..." Only one sound managed to make it out into the open and it almost tore my heart in two. "_Meow."_

All that came out of me was meows.

Feline sounds. Cat language.

Who was I fooling? There was no more connection to the world of foxes, no more I could make. I slumped to the ground.

SpeckleClan murmured behind me uneasily.

"Stupid prisoner, interrupting us. What in StarClan does she think she's doing?"

"Aren't we supposed to be fighting?"

"What's going on?"

But the loudest voice was Swallowstar's. The leader stepped forward, closer to the foxes and to me. Her fur was matted with blood- fox blood, I recognised it dully as the strong scent drifted across the air. I turned to her, blankly; desperately.

Her glare was a picture of resentment. Scorching me.

"Prisoner," she growled, "explain yourself."

But I didn't hear her. Because suddenly Elmspirit was speaking to me, from out of nowhere- his spirit in my mind. I zoned out.

'_Alepou. Swallowstar is…' _for just a second his voice seemed to choke. These were no words of sympathy, that silly cat. '_Get her out of the way NOW-'_

Something rushed up behind me. I saw every cat's eyes, every yowl of terror.

The foxes leapt forward savagely from behind me…

At

Swallowstar.

_Chaos. _

_Again._

"Swallowstar! " cried a voice. I turned, dumbfounded. A SpeckleClan warrior flew through the air and jumped at the two snarling foxes; squinting I saw who it was. It was the guard who had given me the mouse to eat.

He screeched and scratched at the foxes, his strikes wild. Slowly he drove the foxes back and dived for their throats with a yowl. There was blood. Everywhere._ Protecting Swallowstar._

More SpeckleClan warriors were flooding past me, cheering the warrior on. Swallowstar charged forward too, her wounds dripping blood that pooled on the ground. I heard screams and yelps all around and knew these sounds would haunt my nightmares alongside Elmspirit and StarClan.

Didn't anyone see the blood? This wasn't like hunting prey- this was different, dark and stunned me into not moving.

Then there was silence. I started to back away. Could I honestly say that I knew what was coming? Did I honestly deserve it?

The cats of SpeckleClan were moving away from something, murmuring among themselves. Some cat started up an eerie wail of pain, and many echoed it quietly.

Four still bodies lay on the forest floor.

_Guess who? _I peered closer, and wished I hadn't.

First was SpeckleClan's leader.

Swallowstar didn't stay down for long. When I was sure that she was dead, suddenly her body gave a great spasm and she sat up coughing harshly. When she stared around her slowly, I flinched at what I saw in her gaze- what looked like slowly fading stars, but I knew it was StarClan.

_What on earth…I thought she was dead! This is crazy…_

The second body was drenched in a puddle of blood, staining the wet green grass. An icy shock chilled my bones as I looked into the lifeless eyes of…

The guard.

The one who had fed me the mouse. The one who had protected Swallowstar when the two foxes had attacked her just seconds ago. _That_ one. I retched violently, but nothing came out. There was incredulity churning in my belly, but mostly horror and both made me feel sick sick_ sick._..

..The other two bodies?

Who else…but the_ two foxes_?

They. Were. My. Own. Kind.

I retched again- and sour tasting bile trickled down my feline whiskers._ Should I have defended you guys? Should I have fought with you? Should I have died…too?_

Swallowstar coughed again, and I turned. The look on my face must have been terrible because she was speechless for a moment before glaring at me with fresh hatred.

"Do you know why I led you out here, prisoner?" she spat bitterly. Her venomous tone stung me like thorns. I knew that it was her fury talking, driving her to say crazy things but I believed her words and I bet she did too.

"I thought the foxes might finish you off. I thought it'd be fun to watch you die that way. "

I said nothing. It felt like I hadn't said anything in ages and it felt good. Maybe it I stayed this way, I'd disappear. I'd show StarClan…

"Look at how many died today." Swallowstar continued darkly, flicking her tail towards the dead guard. Bleakly I reflected that only one cat had died, but maybe that was still a lot. Because SpeckleClan had known that warrior, just like I had known Primrose.

"You should just go die." Swallowstar growled. "I never wanted you to join. So you think you know StarClan? They hate you, just like SpeckleClan hates you. If you hadn't stopped for that nice little chat with the foxes…" she stamped a paw and shuddered. Out of the blue, her eyes filled with grief- and emotion that I _knew_ -and yet so much rage reigned in her expression still that I had to look away.

She was venting her anger out on me, I knew that. Hating me because it felt nice. But I was fine with it. I agreed with her.

Very carefully I backed away some more, and then more and more. And more…

SpeckleClan couldn't stop me. They had just fought foxes- they were too wounded to chase me. Me, a fox in feline form. I never _had_ told Swallowstar my name, and now she would never know. I would go.

Swallowstar paused for only a minute and she now spoke slowly and carefully, like she wanted to carve her next words into my brain so I would never forget. And it worked.

"The Clans..." she looked twice her size as she bristled her shoulder fur and fluffed out her tail. "...never accept outsiders like you."

_DappleClan._ I thought in a daze. _Are you like SpeckleClan? Will you never take in outsiders?_

"If you ever show your face here again, my warriors _will_ find you and shred you to bits!" An empty threat from SpeckleClan's leader? I hoped…I hoped so.

"Like you did to the foxes." I muttered, my voice on the verge of breaking.

_I hope I never see SpeckleClan ever again._

Then I turned and fled.

This was not funny, StarClan.

**Sorry, this was a longer chapter than usual! So many epic developments, no? xD LOLz!**

**Anyway, the next chapter will really take a while because I'm still trying to organise everything so that each chapter has a satisfying...whaddya call it...YA-KNOW. 8D Well, like _this_ chapter- _WHAT HAPPENS TO OUR DEAR ALEPOU AFTER SHE FLEEEEEES?_**

**Haha! Thanks for sticking to this story, I PROMISE it will get finished. Still, there's a lot more to go. A million hugs to all of you for reading, and I love reading all your reviews and comments! They encourage me so much, so I type a lot faster!1  
**

**Boldclaw WON'T show up in the next chapter, but he will...SOON! =D Yay, I've missed writing about that 'pompous kitty' ... ^^**

**Well, until the next update. See ya later!**


	14. Chapter 13

**Loving the feedback! Means a lot to me! =D About Alepou's random-ish flashbacks, there's a reason for all that. Hehe! Revealed in **_**later later later chapters**_**…though that's probably quite a long way off? I mean, that was three 'later's !**

**Now…**

Where was I going?

Where was I going?

What could I do now? What was I _supposed_ to do?

I felt sick.

Because all I saw as I ran was the looks that were on the faces of the foxes- staring me down with disgust. They didn't know how I used to be one of them; I _couldn't communicate_ with them, no matter what. And they were dead now. Like that SpeckleClan warrior. _Dead, dead, dead_: like _I_ should have been.

No-one knew me. All my memories, my past…stuck in _my_ head. They'd never fade and neither would reality.

I felt sick.

My paws were stumbling rapidly over tree roots and crunching leaves and I didn't care where I was going.

_I mean, I just want to get away. It shouldn't matter where._

SpeckleClan wasn't chasing me. They were worn out, duh, from all that fighting. I was never really aware of it before, but cats and foxes never did get along somehow. There was no peace in the forest. In both my lives, I had learnt that.

Man, Swallowstar sure was spouting dung. Part of me was thinking that her words were rubbish; all that stuff she had spat out… but maybe not. Maybe she really had wanted to watch me die with the foxes: if so, that really was horrible of her. I didn't know what happened to all that emphasis on Clan cats being pure, noble. I wasn't sure I would ever believe that again.

I was slowing down, starting to falter in my desperate pace. The trees around me stopped spinning dizzily in my vision as I leaned against a fallen log; I was taking a risk, halting, but I figured I needed _just a little _time…

Time to calm down.

I was so tense, it hurt. My muscles felt strange…aching. Things crept into my mind, memories from my days as a fox. I couldn't help relaxing as they flooded my brain. My muzzle rested over the log and everything inside of me seemed to sag.

_Memories…they want to be remembered. That's why they're with us._

Exhaling, I let them.

' _Mother is the same as usual. She's back from hunting, smelling of dirt and fresh grass. And…she's caught us two mice. I feel a fizzing feeling in my stomach. It's happiness._

_Primrose and I have been trying to eat meat recently. I went first, and it was so_ tiring_ trying to chew up a piece. I tried my best to impress Mother, but I had to spit it out eventually which just annoyed her. Sorry for wasting food...  
_

_Primrose had a nibble. She was okay._

_Someday I'll grow up to be a powerful fox and I'll be able to eat meat._

_Lately there's been a mysterious scent hanging around near our den. I smell it on Mother's fur from time to time. Maybe I'm wrong…_

…_but I'm sure it's another fox. Mother is spending more and more time outside. I'm glad she still comes back._

_For now.'_

Suddenly I heard a loud, loud rustle. It came from the other side of the log; a crackling of twigs and chafing fur. I was instantly crouching, my heart pounding hard and fast against my feline chest.

A fox?

No, SpeckleClan?

A familiar scent reached my nostrils, but I couldn't quite put a name to it. I'd scented this before in the SpeckleClan camp, faintly, but what…?

"Owie!" went a squeak.

Wait. A. Darn. Minute!

I knew this. Yeah, it was SpeckleClan. A bolt of apprehension ripped through me like claws across flesh.

It was a kit. A SpeckleClan kit.

_Much to my alarm._

Shiny amber eyes blinked widely up at me, clouded with recognition. The kit was cream-coated, with whiter paws and rounded ears. Though it looked too soft to be wild, I had no doubt about where it came from.

No gentle appearances could mislead me from the untamed smell of a Clan cat.

"You're the prisoner!" the kit meowed brightly, his delicate whiskers twitching. Oh, crap. Was I supposed to run away or something? From a kit? Even though he was SpeckleClan, he was only a _kit…_

"Erm…" I found myself struggling for words. What to say?

Uh, little kit, your _great _Clan threw me out _just now- _did I mention what perfect timing you have? Oh, and you know Swallowstar? You should have seen the look on her face, it was so angry.

…They all hate me right now, so don't tell anyone you saw me. Yeah…

All the kit did was blink when I stayed quiet.

"What are you doing out here?" the question was flung at me casually, but it pierced me much deeper.

"Actually, I have no idea. I'm trying to get out of this territory." I burbled.

…Uh. Oops… There's something about how kits are, they just make me want to spill the beans on how unfair everything is.

"Isn't that, like, escaping?" the kit asked suspiciously, "Um, which isn't allowed…? " I gulped as the tiny feline started to bristle.

"Er, no. I'm not doing anything bad. I mean…not exactly. I got kicked out, okay?" I didn't know what I was trying to do. Explaining myself to a SpeckleClan kit? Not necessary. I started turning around, ready to leave this behind and get out of this situation -quick.

But as I lifted a paw off the ground, the kit began to wail at me.

_What. Why._

I considered ignoring it. I tried to go- who cared about the scrap of fur? But just when I was about to vanish _dramatically_ through the trees, the wailing grew louder and louder. Snarling with impatience I swung around and glared fiercely. Any more of this and SpeckleClan would come prancing!

"Shut up, stupid kit! Do you want all StarClan to hear you screeching away like a..? Look, I need to go!"

"I'm not 'stupid kit', I'm Smallkit! I need your help!" he cried, his volume back to usual.

Help?

"The truth is, I'm not supposed to be out here!"

_Don't tell me…_

"I snuck out of camp and now I'm…"

_Mouse dung._

"…Lost."

Oh StarClan.

* * *

"I'm sorry. Okay, _not_… but…I absolutely cannot help you." That was me, _attempting_ to worm my way out of a mess.

Not that I was good at it.

"But you know where the camp is." Smallkit pleaded, in a quiet voice. "So if you could just guide me bac-"

"No way, not happening!" I lashed my tail, surprised at how natural the feline motion felt. I was getting used to my new body, which didn't please me. "Kit, I'm in a hurry. Leave me out of this."

"I told you, my name is _Smallkit_!" Smallkit flashed back, sounding annoyed. Suddenly he seemed to deflate entirely and I peered closer as he lowered his head and whimpered softly. What was he doing, changing tactics? I just wanted to go.

"Please. Please help. It's my fault that I got lost, but let's forget that for now. Because what I really want…is just to return to SpeckleClan, where my mother and sister..."

If he hadn't said those words, I would _never_ have complied.

_Primrose… Mother. Why am I connecting them to… this?_

"Your…mother." I echoed. _Mother. _

Smallkit glanced up hastily and I didn't miss the glimmer of hope stirring in his wide amber eyes. "Um, yeah…"

"You…have a sister?" _Primrose. _

"Whadya mean by that? It's perfectly normal." For a heartbeat the SpeckleClan kit looked offended. Then, _hopeful _again as I hesitated. "So, as I was saying-"

"Okay." I told him, in an effort to sound calm so he wouldn't hear my voice shake. "Okay."

Smallkit looked overjoyed at my response, but all I could think about was how worried his mother and sister would be if he didn't return, if he stayed out here and couldn't get back. They _would _feel upset, right?

_Primrose…Mother. _All my fox life, I had never been sure whether I was important to them…as they were important to _me_.

_I'll drop Smallkit off. So he'll see his family again. Though _I _never will._

* * *

Somehow, finding the camp wasn't so much a breeze as I expected.

I sniffed around a tad and prodded a few bushes like they would give me some clue, but mostly I _acted _like I _knew_ where we were going.

You can't blame me; I was too busy looking out for the more scary things. What if I bumped into my _old pal _Swallowstar? 'Oh, hey buddy, how're ya doing' or 'Nice to see you here, have you cooled down now?' just wouldn't cut it.

And Smallkit looked like he was seriously starting to doubt my navigating skills. "Look, where exactly are you taking me? I get the feeling we're going in circles!"

_Are we? _I gasped a lot and glanced around me awkwardly.

"Well…we've gone deeper into the forest now, so the camp has got to be around here somewhere." I muttered.

Smallkit observed me with an unconvinced, nervous eye. "But, where?" he howled.

I lost my patience the moment he raised his voice. I couldn't help it- something inside me just blew up. Who could ever understand me? Everything today and every other day of this new life was going _wrong_, and that despair was mixed with my anger.

"Hey, brat, listen and look at me." I waited for him to meet my eye, but as time ticked by and he didn't, I carried on furiously anyway. "Do you understand the risk I'm taking here? For me, it's dangerous to wander here- I shouldn't even _be_ in this forest anymore, I would get _killed_ by your crazy leader if I got caught!"

I paused, supposing Smallkit was going to ask why, or talk back, but again he didn't meet my expectations so I rattled on regardless. "I just want to get out of this place, but now I have to send _you_ home, back to that camp, where that _crazy_ leader is; did I mention that I would get killed if she saw me? I don't wanna do this!"

"I'm sorry." Smallkit really _did_ look sorry. He dipped his head to me and his tail drooped dejectedly. He looked tiny and vulnerable and as I stared, trying to figure him out, another figure stood in his place.

Me.

We'd all been little once. We all still harbour weaknesses. Suddenly, I didn't see Smallkit standing in front of me, I saw… _me_. Me, who just wanted to see my mother and sister again. I…couldn't…leave Smallkit like this. It was out of the question.

_Clan cats have families too. Families they also care about. _I narrowed my eyes, feeling a strange sadness crawling through my heart.

Before _I _could apologise, Smallkit's head suddenly shot up and stared at something to my left. His mouth dropped open and he blinked wildly. "Could it be?"

I spun around, fearing the worst, but all I saw was a huge _sandy_ stretch of ground that stood out among the trees because of all the sunlight shining on it. It looked bright and warm, a nice place to relax- but how was that significant to Smallkit?

"It's the Sunny Sands place." He whispered, his tail now fluffed out in excitement.

I fought the urge to laugh. What a ridiculous name. _Though it does make sense, I guess. _"That's great, but what's that got to do with anythi-"

"Thank you." Smallkit interrupted, his voice clear and sincere. I turned back, bewildered, to see his eyes filled with gratitude. "I know my way back to the camp now."

"R…Really?" Was he pulling my leg? "I don't get it…"

"I've heard the elders talking about the Sunny Sands. They're always saying how relaxing it is, and how it's so close to the camp that's it's easy to reach." The kit meowed happily. He looked back to his usual idiotic self.

"So…you don't need me to guide you anymore?" I felt relieved and something else. "You're okay now?"

"Thank you." He repeated warmly, as if that answered my question. I nodded, and turned back. This was all happening so, so fast and my mind raced to keep up. I hoped I could find my way out of this forest… "Uh, see ya."

Over and over in my head I replayed the gratitude in the eyes of the kit and my belly warmed in a dim but fuzzy feeling. _You'll be reunited with your family soon. _Maybe I felt slightly envious, but I couldn't help feeling a little happy for Smallkit.

* * *

I made it to the edge of the forest, surprisingly soon. I even found that familiar stream, where I had met my first Clan cat, Boldclaw. Across the stream, I saw trees thinning out onto hills.

Moorland.

DappleClan, huh?

As I found a deep dip in the ground to curl in, I gazed across the still waters of the stream, squinting to see the rocks at the bottom. Evening fell on the forest and chilled the air. I pulled snapped fern towards me and wrapped myself up in them.

Did it help? Of. Course.

Not.

Though I probably wouldn't want any other creature to feel the pain I was going through, I wanted someone else with me. Someone to talk to, and not just senile cats like Elmspirit and StarClan, or battle-hungry SpeckleClan.

Someone like Smallkit, who was innocent and not yet tainted by SpeckleClan's fighting ways. That kit had never killed anything before, not even prey. I mean…at least, not yet.

Wait, I got it now. It hit me and left me hanging. By myself.

I was lonely.

Really, completely lonely.

With this realisation, I thought of DappleClan. I felt sure that if I could find them, I wouldn't be alone anymore. But...after spending time with SpeckleClan, and seeing the horror of Clan life could I honestly say to myself that _yes, _I still wanted to find DappleClan?

And I was too scared to sleep, yet maybe I yearned to sleep more than whatever thing else. By sleeping I could escape this 'nightmare'…but be reminded, by no other than Elmspirit, that I _couldn't escape it_ _anyway_.

No. I had to stay awake. Somehow. I…was…so alone. Alone in my suffering, in everything. I _didn't know_ where SpeckleClan territory ended, so I might as well still be _in_ it. Let them hunt me down. Let them cry out in triumph over my dead body.

In my fox life I had feared the thought of death. Hated the idea. I wanted to stay alive.

StarClan cursed me forever. The sadistic strangers gave me a new life. And guess what?

It'd be better to die.

_Yes, this is the real Alepou speaking. _

Another night passed in this horrible world of the living, and I…you could say that I pulled an all-nighter on this one. And was I content? Of. Course.

Not.

**I've just realised how much I sorta dislike the sound of ripping paper xD Haha, thought I'd start with something random to say!**

**Another chapter has flown by! ****And it's another long chapter, folks! Oh Alepou, never attempt suicide- the plot would hate you 8D Don't worry, I won't have Alepou die like that, she's too precious to me ^^**

**My chapters just keep getting longer, and I don't know what to do about it, laaaaaa laaa laaaa ~! Still organising everything, but its okay because I LOVE organising things =D It gives me such joy, Lolz! **

**Next chapter will introduce…D * * * * * C * * *! Ah, sorry, I can't spoil it for you -****WAIT, ITS ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY OBVIOUS ;) **

**Okay, until next time!**

**P.S:**

**"Next time" may take a _while_, and I apologise in advance if you may have to wait a little longer than usual for an update?... but with a little luck it'll be published in the usual fortnight pattern of mine ;D (2 weeks, approximately!) I've pretty much got the next chapter's storyline all planned out, but there's still a lot to type and I can't get on the computer everyday (I LOVE WEEKENDS SO MUCH..)... Sad how homework just keeps popping up, no? Ha ha! Writing Alepou's story is so much more fun, though and I'll never even _consider_ giving this up.  
**

**As always, thank you for still reading this fanfic- the feedback and just the fact that you are out there is VERY VERY VERY HELPFUL! =D I appreciate it so much. I will see you later!  
**


	15. Chapter 14

**Arise, new chapter! Assemble, DappleClan!**

**And…!**

**Welcome back, everyone =D**

I was still wide awake; curled up and shivering when dawn stained the sky. Red like yesterday's spilled blood, it hovered above me and leered.

As if I needed anyone else hating me.

Still there were shadows, despite the new bloody day that dragged itself in. …Shadows under trembling leaves and between the gnarled roots of wrinkled leafbare trees…

Shadows, everywhere.

Like the disgust in the eyes of the foxes; that 'I-don't-know-you-at-all-and-I-just-don't-even-care' look. _That _look. Also, the hatred in Swallowstar's eyes- and even though I never wanted to see that crazy cat again, I could never erase her spiteful face out of my head.

_Yeah, shadows everywhere… _in my heart, too. The foxes had done something that I as a fox had never wanted to do. They had died. They were gone forever. I didn't know whether to feel relieved that I, at least, hadn't…or _jealous._ We all know that life becomes a burden after StarClan gives you an extra one.

Then, out of the blue:

"_It was a gift, Alepou." _An annoying voice whispered, loud and clear. Breaking the morning haze that fogged my brain.

I wanted to scratch something really badly.

"Get out of my head, Elmspirit." I managed to mutter.

"_Yes, it's been a while." _Has it now, idiot? I shook my head and lumbered to my paws, fighting back a yawn. I focused on closing my mind, imagining nothing but blackness, letting my thoughts 'fall'.

All that stuff. But no matter what, I should have known that there was no release from a sadistic StarClan cat…or fox…or whatever. _"How was your…encounter with Speckl-"_

A rush of fierceness flooded my veins. "You dung-face! Shut up!" I couldn't help blurting it out. After everything, there was no way I wanted to hear that word spoken to me. It was like an insult- it cut me deep. It brought back dark memories and it always would.

There was silence. I paused and hoped, fervently, that Elmspirit really had shut up. It would help, a lot- "_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned that._" He interrupted my thoughts. Again.

Strong, strong was my urge to scream with frustration.

The morning was cold and I shivered. Through the intersecting branches of the trees above me, I caught a glimpse of pale sky. In contrast to the scarlet splatter of dawn, there were ominous gray blotches that seemed to darken and spread with every minute passing.

"Clouds." I whispered. _And with leaf-bare gripping the forest…_ "…I wouldn't be surprised if snow comes." The thought filled me with sudden, sharp horror that tasted sour in my mouth. Snow…snow was freezing. Snow was cold.

"_Pardon?_" It's weird how one word could get me so annoyed that I saw crimson. Or maybe it wasn't weird at all in this context, because getting extremely pissed was just the effect that StarClan –more specifically, _Elmspirit_- had on me. I hated them so much, like Swallowstar hated me.

My feline claws unsheathed themselves, and for a grudging moment I admired how pointed they were. If Elmspirit was really, physically here instead of cowering in my head like the _gentleman _he was, I would so claw him.

And then my heart clenched as images from yesterday's battle stood out among my tangled memories. Images of red puddles, and motionless warriors. Images of foxes, torn like prey, that had departed for the final time. Images of hate and feral violence that I could never imitate.

"What did I ever do to deserve this, I ask you!" I bent, feeling pain in my belly, like a pounding fist was banging on it hard. So many times I had asked myself this, right? You all heard me, you all put up with it. "Elmspirit…I hate you, and what you've done because this _isn't fair_."

"_But we gave you a new life, Alepou- isn't that what you wanted…?_" It irked me increasingly how calm he stayed. "_And you may not believe this, but it…It. Is. Your…destiny._"

Snort.

"Like I give a-"

"_Drink from the stream, please._"

The sheer randomness of the fool's words left me wordless for a long minute. My eyes flashed to the stream, that thick ribbon of water not so far from where I stood. When I recovered, all I could think was: _What. The. StarClan._

Maybe he heard that, because he answered me. "_You'll feel better once you drink from the stream._"

Uh. "Are you stupid? Wait- yes, you are, I've always known that. Anyway, that won't make me feel bett-" But I couldn't stop my body from moving across the forest floor, couldn't stop my muscles from working to crouch over, couldn't stop myself from taking a sip. It's like…some unseen force bent me to its will, and I closed my eyes and _drank._

What was going on? But the liquid felt nice as it trickled down my throat. It was cool and fresh with a mellow tinge. It _calmed me. _I was sure I didn't imagine the smugness in Elmspirit's voice when he spoke again.

Come to think of it, 'spoke' is probably not the right word for it. I would say… 'commanded'. That snob, I detested the I-know-best tone in his voice.

"_Now, look up._" Completely out of curiosity, I looked up.

And.

There, across the stream, I saw them.

…Past the trees at the very edge of the broad forest. …Racing over the hills with the wind ruffling their fur as they ran. What were they chasing- rabbits? Well, who cared?

The cats, I saw them. Nothing else around me mattered and even Elmspirit's voice vanished- hooray for that, I have to add. Their pawsteps echoed in my ears like I could actually hear them from here. Back then, if Elmspirit had never told me to look up, or drink from the stream I would be a different cat...fox...whatever. I would have completely missed them.

'They', 'them'. You've figured it out already, huh?

DappleClan.

My throat was dry, even after all that water I had just drank from the stream. When I was a dying fox, I had only one dream: _Do. Not. Die. Okay?_

As a feline, I had a different dream. To find DappleClan.

You could say this was a dream come true.

_DappleClan._

In my head, Elmspirit started to say something and then choked as if overcome with emotion. At last he murmured softly what I already planned to do. '_Alepou…go to them.'_

Cold water met my paws, swelling up to my belly fur and sending shivers through every nerve in my feline body. Had the stream always been so cold? When I had taken a few gulps of it just now, it had tasted sweet and cool. These thoughts raced through my brain as I splashed my way across the water.

Well, you know, _so what_?

All I cared about was crossing the stream.

And suddenly the grass was under me again. I left the stream behind and half-stumbled, half-ran towards where the trees ended. I ignored Elmspirit's words in my ears, even though I guess he was saying something pretty significant. '_You're out of SpeckleClan territory now, Alepou…'_

A few heartbeats ago, I would have stopped to marvel at that…but _hey, _that was heartbeats ago. Now, every step I took brought me closer to the patrol of DappleClan warriors and that. Was. All. That. Counted.

_Wait for me.'Cause I'm coming._

I burst out of the forest, leaving the trees behind. The cats turned to stare at me with wide eyes and I skidded to a halt, staring back. There was no mistaking it. Some instinct inside of me _knew _that this, this was where I belonged.

The wind howled around me, nearly pushing me to the ground. For a moment the intense pressure of the wind –so different from the forest, where trees shielded everything- scared me. Here on the moorlands, nothing could be hidden.

'_It's so big, isn't it?' _Elmspirit whispered to me. I could swear that there was pride in his voice. Unconsciously, I nodded even though normally it would kill me to agree with someone like him.

The hills were open. Vast. You couldn't bolt to the nearest bush, or claw your way up the closest tree. You couldn't corner your prey, or run so far into the undergrowth that enemies could totally lose you.

But here you could see for miles. Here, you could run forever. And here you couldn't trip over misshapen tree roots, or get hit on the head by a falling branch.

Okay, maybe there were dots of gorse here and there. Oops, I missed that.

But mostly...just grass...

Before I knew it, the DappleClan warriors had surrounded me. I didn't know how spaced out and awed I had been by the sudden change of scenery, but it was enough to not notice the cats creeping up on me. Dimly I was reminded of how SpeckleClan had stalked the two foxes back in the forest like this and I shook the thought out of my head. _Curse me, this is a happy moment._ I told myself. But was it?

They scrutinised me.

I dropped my gaze and studied my feline paws. "So." I said.

"So, intruder." A tom meowed abruptly and I looked up, startled. I had heard that voice before.

Boldclaw.

Seeing him again startled me. A bit.

He stood at the head of the patrol, looking his usual pompous self. His dark blue eyes regarded me imperiously like he expected me to bow my head to _him_. He didn't look any different from when we had last met or in my vision of DappleClan, with his blue-grey fur fluffed out aggressively. As my gaze travelled over him, I couldn't help feeling that I had seen somecat like him before- in the ranks of StarClan. Another blue-grey cat, resembling him…

Scowling terribly, I glanced back down. Well, it wasn't important, right? "So, hi." I repeated, speaking to everyone. Ever since my encounter with SpeckleClan, I had gotten used to conversing with…cats. As if I really was a cat. You know, _meow meow meow_.

As everyone else remained silent, so did Elmspirit in my head. Boldclaw spoke again, talking to me in a tone as cold as the stream had been when I waded through it. "How dare you intrude on DappleClan territory, intruder." As he meowed away, his lips curled back to reveal glistening white feline fangs. I guess my fangs looked like that too.

Now, I realised just how hostile the atmosphere was. _Not exactly friendly_. They were definitely going to drive me out, no questions asked. I had to do something quick. Very briefly, I paused and wondered what Elmspirit had to say. _Hit me with your words of wisdom, _I thought sarcastically; though maybe I meant it.

No response from the idiot.

I should have known.

This was up to me to win them over, as they had won over me from the first time I'd seen them in the vision. I felt my blood pounding, pounding, pounding as my heart accelerated with a fast nervousness. I had to get this right.

"That," I said, "was exactly my point." DappleClan bristled, not getting it. For my refuge, they were stupider than I thought. Before they could leap forward and bite me, I hastily meowed, "I know that you're DappleClan. I know who you are. Because…"

Elmspirit remained silent. For the first time, somecat other than Boldclaw spoke. It was a striped, pale gray tom with eyes the colour of dry green-leaf grass. He stepped forward just a little, speaking in a hushed, wary voice. "Because…?"

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, if they were prepared to listen to me.

"Uh…" I knew exactly what to say. After all, this was how I'd gotten SpeckleClan's attention. If anything, I had figured out what Clan cats were especially sensitive to.

"…StarClan has spoken to me."

Let's just say that they literally towed me to their camp.

* * *

I must say, that vision I had seen in my dream was _accurate._

I stood in the ravine, and it really was for real. I could hardly breathe. It was a living dream…

Cats swarmed all around me. They were as varied as SpeckleClan, with pelts of all colours. My gaze flitted left and right, taking everything in with eager eyes. What if I stayed? I had to. There was no way I was leaving now…. now that I'd had a taste of _this._

In constrast to my inner euphoria, the patrol marched me in quietly, their expressions tense. Boldclaw walked at my right closer than I would prefer, much to my dismay. Every so often, his gaze swept over me and lingered, but not warmly. Still he looked cold and still his fur was fluffed out testily, as if to remind me that I wasn't completely let off.

Was I…slightly disappointed? I mean, was I _hurt, _that he didn't even seem to remember me from back then? It's not like I should have cared…right? Boldclaw was the first living cat I had ever talked to since this stinking feline life.

Anyway, what was I doing, worrying about some pompous kitty? Let him scoff, it didn't matter to me. I was here in DappleClan, and if they would hear me out- here. For. Good.

I hoped.

"Where's Daisystar?" Boldclaw asked out of nowhere. At first, with mixed feelings, I thought he was talking to me but the tone in his voice was far from cold. When I turned my head, I saw a sandy-coated warrior –part of the patrol- mumble something in reply and speed off.

"Who in StarClan is Daisystar?" I muttered under my breath. Casually I turned my head away after a short minute so it wouldn't seem like I was asking Boldclaw, but part of me kind of did want to know. Uh, not particularily from him, I mean...

To my surprise, he responded. But of course, he said it –everybody, let's say it together now! (since we know it sooo well)- _coldly_. "There, you go, mentioning StarClan again. What is with you? You're only a rogue."

"Oh, _pardon_ me, dung-brain." I snapped, unable to help myself. Who could blame me? He pissed me off too much. _Too_ much. He didn't even answer my question.

Boldclaw wasn't given a chance to reply. When his eyes flashed and he opened his mouth to snap back, something seemed to interrupt him. I pricked my ears and looked around. All around, the Clan fell silent and the patrol that marched about me stiffened and dipped their heads simultaneously.

I narrowed my eyes.

A long-furred, spotted white she-cat stood apart from the Clan. She had calm green eyes and the proud superiority in them reminded me of Swallowstar; yeah, remember her? Crazy, enraged she-cat? Yeah, I think we all remember her.

I shuddered and peered closer. Then, slowly, my eyes widened.

This cat was…DappleClan's leader. The fact popped into my head so abruptly that I almost thought that Elmspirit had said it. But Elmspirit hadn't spoken since back out...there. So it must have been my feline intuition.

"That's Daisystar." Boldclaw unexpectedly meowed to me. I shot him a 'you-don't-say' look. Nice time to answer my question.

Daisystar's eyes landed on me. At the exact same time, Elmspirit's voice spoke again, resonating inside my head, strangely subdued. '_Oh my…' _

What? What? What is it?

Daisystar became rigid. Her ears twitched with…disbelief?

What?

And DappleClan's leader gasped out a single word that set my fur on edge.

"Elmspirit!"

Whaaaaat?

**Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho !1**

**CLIFHHANGER! LET'S THROW A PARTY! **

**How's everyone doing? I was really stuck on this chapter for some reason, but I am so glad I pulled through! BOLDCLAW. IS. BACK. AND…?**

**HA HA HA!**

**OH, sorry, I'm pretty hyper today. Coz I finished this chapter ^^**

**At last Alepou meets with her beloved DappleClan! MY beloved DappleClan! Mu ha ha…**

**Sorry, it's another female leader…! Don't worry though, the other two leaders are definitely toms xD Ha…**

**So the ultimate question is: How does Daisystar know ELMSPIRIT? The mystery of this story escalates!**

**I know I say this all the time, but it's because it's always true- I am forever grateful to all you readers. The encouragement you give me really drives me to type out Alepou's adventure. Thank-thank-thank you!**

**See ya soon!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Hi everyone! Glad you can all read this!**

_Uhm, maybe my feline body is malfunctioning. Rapidly._

'Cause I definitely misheard something just now.

That name existed in my dreams and in my head- never before had I heard it out loud.

By someone else.

By a cat.

'Elmspirit'.

By DappleClan's leader.

'Elmspirit'.

How could that be the first ever thing Daisystar said to me?

So hey- I was in shock. The kind of shock where everything in your vision freezes and you can't even blink.

I couldn't blink.

Instead, my eyes stared at Daisystar. Her green eyes were wide and very startled but they weren't really focused on _me_. Okay, she wasn't gazing up at the sky adoringly or studying the ground- she was looking at me, in my direction, at my face but in reality her eyes saw something completely different.

Could she be seeing…sensing Elmspirit? That creepy guy who was hanging around in my head? How did she know his name? And if I had so many important questions, why wasn't I spitting them out this instant?

I still couldn't blink. I stood there like a stone.

Boldclaw nudged me in the side.

Hard.

"Oww!" I stumbled away from him with a yelp, instantly jolted out of my shock. "You dung-brai-"

"Oh, pardon me, stranger." Boldclaw muttered, though he looked quite self-satisfied with having hit me. "You seemed to be in a stupor."

I glanced at Daisystar who shook her head as if to clear her thoughts, looking confused. Suddenly I felt tired. How much more mystery would this feline life bring? At the back of my mind, I thought I heard Elmspirit cough, ever so slightly.

DappleClan was murmuring among themselves quietly, sounding uneasy. Daisystar looked up again and this time she eyed _me_, Alepou. Stepping forward she flicked her tail and the Clan fell silent around her like their voices had been cut off by an invisible force.

Leader power. Cool.

"Who are you?" she said slowly and carefully, like she was verbally treading on unstable ground. Everything about her expression was cautious. I opened my mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the sandy-coloured warrior that Boldclaw had been speaking to before. The she-cat came to stand by Daisystar's side, her voice assertive and the DappleClan leader looked quickly at her. "Yes, Dustflower?"

"Daisystar, she's an intruder. We found her on our territory, not far from the borders of SpeckleClan." The warrior hesitated, before continuing, "For all we know, she could be their spy, sent to infiltrate us."

I bristled and Dustflower stiffened, flashing a wary look at me. Daisystar stayed calm. I watched as she narrowed her eyes at me kindly.

Wait. Kindly? Why did I use that word? But…it was true. Even though the leader was still cautious, she wasn't aloof like Boldclaw or anything. So, kind- she_ did_ look kind.

"No," Daisystar meowed, turning her head to survey the restless Clan cats shifting around her. I twitched at the word. It was so unfathomable. Silence was in the camp- silence was everywhere.

"No," Daisystar repeated louder. I could have sworn her voice echoed all round the ravine. She swivelled her head back to me, narrowing her eyes into mere slits. "I know she's not a spy."

"_I know she's not a spy."_

The burst of relief I felt after her statement was so strong that I gasped a little and spluttered a bit. Boldclaw was hissing under his breath with disbelief, and more than one DappleClan cat sported faces bright with doubt. I didn't care.

_One word for this would be euphoria._

In my head, Elmspirit was also breathing a sigh of relief.

Oh. "Why?"

That's right. There was still something that wasn't settled. I took a deep breath padded up to Daisystar, which was hard to do since the moment I moved, a crowd of serious-faced warriors surrounded her protectively. Boldclaw followed, much to my annoyance. _Oh please._

"Excuse me," I muttered to a pale gray tabby that was standing directly in front of his leader- he was the tom that had asked me a question back on the moors when I was cornered by the patrol –"Could you please get out of my way-"

He looked steadily back and probably would have said something along the lines of 'over my dead body' if Daisystar hadn't spoken up just then, "It's alright, Stormnose. Do as she says."

More murmurs of doubt.

Stormnose moved out of the way, as did the rest of the warriors. Boldclaw, after a brief pause, stepped away from my side and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

Staring at Daisystar's calm white-furred face, all my questions rushed out. "Do you know Elmspirit? You said his name. And- how do you know that I'm not a spy? I mean, I'm _not_, but you don't know that…okay, whatever! Don't you want to know what my name is? "

Everyone stared at me with wide eyes. For a moment I wondered whether I had been speaking fox and not feline, but of course I couldn't speak fox. I'd tried.

"What," Daisystar meowed after a long silence, "is your name?"

Psh. Yeah. Maybe I should lie and make up a fake name. Not.

"Alepou." I told DappleClan the truth. Nothing else I could do. The last thing I wanted…was to lie with my feline tongue, to my refuge.

It was a strange name. I mean, according to Elmspirit it meant 'fox' in some ancient fox language. Not that cats knew that, right? And no-one seemed surprised at my name even though like I said, it was strange.

"Alepou," Daisystar said, "Would you like to take a walk on the moors with me?"

* * *

It wasn't a girly talk fest. Or a chance to slay me.

We took a walk, duh.

I tried to sort out my questions, wondering how much the leader would be able to answer.

And Daisystar asked _me_ questions. I was surprised how blunt she was about it. I mean, I was expecting a more stealthy approach.

"Did StarClan send you, Alepou?" That's precisely what she said. Just like that. Out with it.

I tried to be just as frank, but it was hard because I didn't know whether she would get pissed off or not at my answers. After meeting Swallowstar, you can't blame me for being…vigilant.

Whenever I think of Swallowstar, this angry face comes into mind. _Sorry, man. But you didn't exactly leave a good impression. _

"I hate StarClan." I meowed back. Yes, I always have this strange urge to express my antipathy towards them. "They did all this to me." Only after the words left my mouth did I realise that Daisystar probably had no idea _what _StarClan had done to me.

I prepared myself to explain but then- should I really? I wanted to consult Elmspirit, but what did it have to do with him? He was silent.

It turned out that I actually didn't need to.

"I know all about it." Daisystar told me. Was that disapproval in her tone? "The same thing happened to Elmspirit, did it not?"

There the name was again.

'Elmspirit'.

"I swear, I am sick of that fool!" I blurted out. "Do you have any idea how annoying he is? He keeps visiting, no…_bugging _me. And he's such an idiot- now that I think of it, it's also partly his fault too. In my dream he was the one who-"

Elmspirit seethed, insulted.

Daisystar was equally unamused. "I suppose he hasn't told you everything." She growled and then cleared her throat. "Sorry. The thing is…" she broke off, lashing her tail agitatedly.

"What happened in the past that I don't know about?" I suddenly whispered, lowering my voice. All this mystery- it wasn't my business, right? I was just this fox…_Was. _"I never asked to be caught up in this."

"I really think it's random." Daisystar insisted, her eyes shining sympathetically. Suddenly I felt a little irritated, even though she hadn't done anything. It was just…uncomfortable being pitied. I didn't know why, but it really was.

"Elmspirit is not a bad cat…fox." Daisystar continued, still in a persuading tone, still with that trace of compassion. How did she stay so calm? SO unlike Swallowstar, I guess. "I know it's unnecessary to tell you this, but I have to get it out."

Oooh. A secret to share? Like I was dying to hear it. Not. And something told me it really was unnecessary.

"I was in love with Elmspirit."

Elmspirit stayed silent. No surprised flickered from him.

"Urgh!" My reaction was immediate- I flinched away on impulse. I tried to imagine it- Elmspirit, a fox in cat form…with Daisystar staring at him like a moon-struck rabbit. It was weird…no, you know, _weird…_

"He's a fox." I half-spat. "I mean, he was in the shape of a cat, but he still had the spirit of a fox. You just can't…be in love with him."

"I was." Daisystar sounded hurt and even angry. "And stop that. I think I'm over it now." Her expression told me to shut up and I could see that I'd pissed her off.

Elmspirit started to speak, inside my head, but I ignored whatever he said.

"I'll never fall in love like that." I muttered loudly. And how could I? I was just…this feral fox, dressed in feline clothing. No way would it happen to me.

For a moment, all we heard was the wind around us, rushing in uncontrolled gusts. This was maybe the first time I had felt the wind go by so viciously- but hey, this was the moors. DappleClan's moors. It was different from the forest I was so used to.

The forest I had lived in since I was a fox cub. The forest I had lived in with Prim and Mother. The forest of SpeckleClan.

_Am I ever going to go back?_

What if I didn't? What if I stayed out here? What if I never heard the trees rustle and whisper to me, ever again? What if I had left that part of me behind- for good?

My stomach clenched with pain.

The wind continued its uncontained path.

'_You will learn to love it here.' _Elmspirit murmured, sounding melancholy.

_Love, _I scoffed with disgust, _that's impossible for me. I can't fall in love with a cat or a fox. Or anything. So I might as well give up on that thought._

Thanks to StarClan.

'_I never mentioned that kind of love.' _Elmspirit said even quieter and his voice faded, leaving my head to feel empty and hollow as if that idiot actually belonged there.

"Boldclaw." Daisystar stated. "will take you around the camp so you get to know the area."

I jumped about a tail-length high into the air.

"What?" I squeaked. And coughed a little. "…I'm sorry. What?" What an awkward time to come in with that name. Just when I was thinking about lov- wait, why did it matter? Boldclaw didn't have anything to do with lov-

Of course he didn't. I dismissed his image from my brain, cursing repeatedly. How random.

While I had gotten over my flustered little fit, Daisystar had turned and started walking back to the DappleClan camp. I faltered for several heartbeats but eventually decided to follow. I was allowed to, right? Wasn't DappleClan now my…home?

A warm glow spread through my bones at the thought. _DappleClan is my new home_. Right?

Daisystar paused at the camp entrance. "I encourage you to stay." She told me over her shoulder. "And don't worry. The rest of the Clan…doesn't have to know about how you are…were…a fox."

As if I had the guts to tell everyone.

Or the pride.

"Good plan." I responded under my breath. I don't think anyone heard, but just for the record; it wasn't sarcasm.

That's when I realised: even after everything, Daisystar still hadn't said a thing about my 'destiny' and I hadn't asked her.

And the worst thing was: there was no time to bring it up again, as Daisystar disappeared into her den the moment we entered the camp.

I guess confusion was just a part of my new feline self.

* * *

Boldclaw _did _have to show me around the camp.

I honestly didn't want that pompous kitty to show me around. What would he do? Give me the cold shoulder the whole time? Knowing him, I could be right.

I looked around the dusty, plain camp for some cats like Dustflower, or Stormnose. Someone else that I knew. They could show me around too. The thing was, they should. But all that met my eyes were strangers, bustling around like bees and observing me with edgy looks like I _wouldn't_ notice.

Hadn't Boldclaw been annoying me enough already? Like, a whole lot? Hadn't I seen enough of him? I mean, yes, I had.

No such luck.

"I'm supposed to show you around." He told me stiffly, his gaze raking over me suspiciously. In a cold way.

"Yes." I replied. "But you really don't have to. I don't need to know the way around." See? _Subtle _brush-off.

"I do." He answered back, looking just a little confused. This was something I could relate to, for once. "Daisystar ordered me to."

Mouse dung.

"No," I persisted… subtly. "You really don't have to."

Boldclaw rolled his eyes.

Mouse dung. _Again._

"Then can I eat first?" I sighed, nodding my head towards the fresh-kill pile. Now that I was here for real, surely I could have a piece. A rabbit, maybe. The last thing I'd digested was water, but now I needed meat to sink my teeth into. Every cat…crap, _fox_…okay, I guess it didn't really matter…needed that.

Minutes later, I was crouched on the ground, tearing at a rabbit. It was thin and scraggly –- but fine. Next to me Boldclaw took bites out of another small rabbit. Since I finished faster due to my ravenous appetite, I sat back a little to watch him finish off his meal.

Did he really not remember me from back then?

Well, even though I was a fox inside, I guessed on the outside I still just looked like an ordinary cat. Golden eyes, striped red fur. All that feline stuff. Clan cats probably scared off about two dozen loners a day. They wouldn't remember any particular cat- probably wouldn't be able to tell them all apart.

Loners like me.

Not that anyone could be like me. Except Elmspirit, because everycat was telling me that he _was_ so like me.

Boldclaw caught me watching him and held my gaze. "I furemmbru." He mumbled.

Uh?

"Repeat?" I snapped out, wondering if my feline ears were playing up. You never knew. I had no idea what Boldclaw had just said.

He swallowed something, and I realised that he'd had a huge mouthful of rabbit while speaking. Oh. Nice manners.

_So my feline ears aren't all faulty._

"I do remember you." He said, again.

_Okay, come to think of it, I take that back. My ears are faulty._

"From back then?" I meowed in surprise. "I mean…a few days ago?" Right, that came out funny.

"Yeah." Boldclaw nodded. As I blinked, he added with a snort, "You were gazing at your reflection like this super -vain cat and I sort of snuck up on you. It was easy."

"Great first impression." I muttered to myself. "No, I was checking out my new bod-" Oops. I stopped myself just in time before I revealed –like the idiot I am- to him about my inner…fox spirit.

Boldclaw said nothing and stood up, burying the bones of his rabbit expertly. …_Great, so he didn't hear me. _I then twitched; how had I forgotten to bury my own prey bones? Standing up too, I quickly copied his actions, scraping dirt over the remains of my meal.

"You still smell weird." The pompous kitty put in after a while.

"Thanks."

Suddenly there was a yowl and every single DappleClan cat looked up.

And. Everything became even more...you got it. We all knew the word. We all knew the feeling.

Confused.

Daisystar was calling a…

Huh?

…a Clan…

Boldclaw murmured a couple of words and I ran them through my head, trying to make sense of them. I couldn't, by the way.

What was a Clan meeting?


	17. Another Author's Note Right Here!

**To all readers (You know who you are, the best people in the UNIVERSE)**

**First off, how are you all? Hope you're doing well too (^_^) **

**I hate to make another Author's Note so soon, but:**

**I'll be away from October 6****th**** to November! It's nothing serious, just a little journey! A trip! I'll be back before we all know it, and on to typing up the next chapter of Alepou's second life (^_^)**

**I've actually starting writing with pen and paper again (0_0) ! The story ideas just seem to flow more freely somehow! My handwriting is messy though… xD ... truly …**

**DappleClan's Clan meeting! Gasp! Alepou gets 102% confused (*_*) She always does, huh?**

**Miss you all! **

**Keep being awesome…**

_**Miss you all!**_

**Don't give up on me…**

**MISS YOU ALL!**

**-FourLeavedCloversWish: Tata for now =)**

**I'm sure that this is the chapter you've all been waiting for... =p  
**


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